I first noticed it after my son’s third birthday party. I had gone a little overboard with the party planning, and we ended up with one dozen extra cupcakes after the big day was over. I thought it would be nice to bring them to church in the morning and have my son share them with his Sunday School friends. They could have a second mini celebration right there in class, singing the birthday song to him and everything!
I couldn’t have been more wrong.
When I came to pick up my son after church that morning, I found that all 12 cupcakes remained in their clear plastic container and were sitting on a table outside of the door. One of the Sunday School volunteers shrugged at me apologetically and said, “One of the moms asked that I remove these from the room. She didn’t think it was a good idea.” I didn’t even understand the problem at first. Did the mom think that they were full of eggshells? Laced with poison? The cupcakes were not homemade — they had come from a local bakery and they looked beautiful. What was the issue?
You may have already guessed it, but the issue was sugar.
As I skulked down the hallway towards the parking lot, I could feel the other moms giving me the side-eye and practically shielding their children from seeing the sinfully sweet contraband I carried in my hands. I tried in vain to find a few people willing to take a cupcake or two off of my hands, but I may as well have been peddling illicit drugs or pornography right there within the walls of the church. I went home feeling defeated and abashed. But what exactly was I feeling ashamed about? Ashamed that I had tried to share some treats with our church friends?
The war against sugar only got worse once preschool started. My son came home with a note from the teacher explaining that they love recognizing birthdays throughout the year, and any student who would like to celebrate in class with friends is welcome to bring a fruit tray or perhaps a non-food treat like stickers. A fruit tray?! Where would they put the candle?
A second realization about just how far the saccharin spite extends came later, when I was unpacking my son’s lunchbox at the end of the day. Each day I kept packing him a Little Debbie brownie as a treat to eat after his lunch, and each day it was being sent home in his lunchbox. “Does he not like Little Debbies?” I wondered. When I asked him about it, he seemed unaware that he had even been carrying a dessert around. My suspicions were confirmed when I picked him up early from school one day, right as they were finishing their lunch. The brownie wasn’t even on the table with the rest of his food! His teacher had seen it in his lunchbox and decided to keep it hidden away.
Why is my son not allowed to eat a treat that I packed for him myself? When does the madness end?!
My family and I are not obese people. We like to eat, and we probably over-indulge at times, but we are also very active and we eat a balanced diet. My three-year-old son has more energy than anyone I’ve ever seen. He burns approximately 9,000 calories a day, and I’m not particularly worried about a brownie or a cupcake sticking to his hips. In fact, if there is ever a time in a person’s life when they can load up on sweets without any consequences, childhood is it! As he gets older, my son’s metabolism will change, and he’ll start to face the unpleasant reality of adults — that we are what we eat. He has plenty of time later for counting calories and worrying over whether his food is organic, free-range, and grass-fed. But right now he’s only three. Shouldn’t he be allowed to eat the brownie?
I picked up my son from preschool a few days ago, and an elderly teacher assistant was there — one I hadn’t met before. Our first conversation consisted of her fussing at me about my son’s knowledge of sweets. She told me that when she polled the class, he was able to list more types of junk food than any of his fellow classmates. She tsk-tsked me about how junk food is bad for heart health, and shared her concerns about his diet. To my embarrassment, as this conversation was unfolding, my son was poking around in my bag and found a Saran-wrapped cookie that I had bought for him to eat on our way home in the car. “Oooh…what’s this?” he asked, holding it up proudly. From the look on his teacher’s face, you would have thought he was brandishing a gun. I just shrugged my shoulders and said, “I bought you a treat today for being such a good boy.” Teacher was shocked. I don’t care.
For now, I’m in charge of my son’s dietary decisions, and I’ve decided that a little bit of sugar is nothing to get so upset about.
We still do birthday cupcakes at my children’s school, and we LOVE it!!! If you can’t have a cupcake on your birthday when can you??? Yes, I agree, we shouldn’t eat cake everyday, but we need to teach moderation and not avoidance. My preschoolers and I talk about how we need protein for our muscles and fruits and veggies for nutrition. I don’t believe in avoidance, that’s how in the most extreme cases end up with eating disorders. Our goal as parents is to raise smart, healthy, loving adults. And teaching about nutrition and exercise and celebrating in moderation is all a piece of that.
Love your thoughts on balance and moderation!
Thank you Rachel for your posting. Being transparent and accountable in your article. I feel as we “society” have taken the joy out of life especially for children. I also disagree with random individuals making assumptions about your personal choices and your children’s future. Why do individuals decide they should treat other parents as their children and scold you for your parent choices. There is no way to predict with 100% correlation that your child will end up with “diabetes, heart disease, obesity, or worse”.
I think this author was trying to reflect in her article that she has the ability to make the choice if her son gets to enjoy a cookie or brownie and not someone else.
I just get tired of the mom guilt sometimes. It’s easy to let people get into my head. :-/
Let’s flip the other side of this coin. Let me first say that we have very similar philosophies on junk food. My kids get dessert after a meal many days of the week and *shocker* we’ll use dessert as a bribe to get that spinach off the plate and into bellies. Having said all that, I have a slightly different perspective. Myself and my kids will have celiac disease, which means we can’t have any gluten. Not by choice, because let me tell you it took a year to mourn the loss of my favorite chocolate chip cookies after our diagnosis. When someone brings treats unannounced to class, it means my child is left out. When I know in advance, I provide an alternative or similar treat that is safe for them to eat. Food allergies are very isolating both for children and adults and are becoming more prevalent. I can’t tell you how many girls nights I’ve gone to where there’s not a single thing on the table I can eat. Granted, I never expect people to make special accommodations for me or my kids, and we always plan ahead, but it’s still hard. So for me the issue is not the sugar, but more the lack of notice. Just something to consider next time anyone wants to bring treats to class.
Our family is also gluten-free, along with several other restrictions. It’s tough. My son was 9 years old when we had to completely change our lifestyle relating to food. I always appreciated a heads up when treats were given in school.
Now that he’s almost in high school, it doesn’t bother him anymore. So what if he doesn’t get a cupcake – he can get a treat at home later. Pizza party for a friend’s birthday? He takes a lunchbox with safe food for himself. All of his friends know, it’s no big deal.
The world won’t cater to food allergies or restrictions. We can’t expect to be included. We can just hope to find others that understand.
At least gluten-free is becoming more and more common. I have a friend who has been gluten-free since her college days, and when she first figured out that she needed to change her diet, she had no idea where to even start. She felt really limited (especially in college, when everyone is indulging) on what she could eat. But it has changed so much in the past several years. I feel like now, everywhere I go, there are gluten-free sections in the grocery story and gluten-free options on restaurant menus. But I didn’t think about a gluten-free kid in my son’s class who may feel left out when the birthday treats are passed around. Thanks for your perspective!
I liked this post and I think if you want to pack a treat in your kids lunchbox, you should and they should let him have it! You are his Mom!
On the other hand, I wish my kids schools had some limitations on all the sweets. I like to be the one that gives them a treat here and there but with ALL the birthdays, and ALL the parties, and ALL the rewards, I feel like I never get to do that. They would be getting a “treat” every day and I personally don’t like that for my kids or our family.
I suppose if my son’s school was sending him home sugared up every day, then this might have been an entirely different post, LOL. So maybe I should be glad they are concerned about his diet, even if I think they’re a little overbearing sometimes…?
We choose to limit sugar in our house, but we do love to celebrate- and that usually includes sweets! My issue is how dare these teachers usurp your authority as mom! They can certainly have their opinions, but to basically tell your child that his mom is making bad choices is unbelievable. Really, that’s the part of all this that makes me sick.
I know, right? Enough with the mom guilt already!
Research has shown that when we limit and restrict foods from our kiddos (and as us adults!) then they will overeat it when given a chance! Think of any diets where you restrict a food (sugar, carbs, etc)…what’s the only thing you can think of and obsess about and eventually over eat when you break your diet? That exact food you have made “forbidden”. My child is an intuitive eater, she knows her body and I trust her with her choices! We always offer a variety of foods and allow her to listen to her body. I don’t want her to mistrust her body by me forbidding a food. I always provide nutritious foods, but play foods are allowed! No food is good or bad, let’s stop making a moral issue over what we eat! Thank you for writing this!
I have a friend at church who is a nutritionist, and she has said a lot of the same things that you’re saying. I think she refers to healthy food as “growing food,” and explains to her children that they need “growing food” to get big and strong. But she still lets them dictate what they spoon onto their plates at dinnertime.
interesting to find the school wants you to send fruit when lots of kids have fruit allergies now a days. My school only
Requires they are not home made. They say cupcakes OR other treats of parents choice. They do ask we tell then ahead of time Incase someone else is planning to bring treats. You shouldn’t feel bad that you wanted to share the treats with ylye church or school
It’s ridiculous people have become so rude. Don’t want yours kid to eat sugar? Tell someone no thank you. And how’s dare the teachers remove treats you send for your child it’s not their place. We try to limit sugar to one treat: cookie, candy or such to once a day because I have struggled with sugar addiction all my
Life but I’m not going to take it away from my children’s I’m going to teach moderation instead.
That was the confusing thing for me. I brought treats to share, but then I felt guilty for bringing them…like I had done something wrong. I guess I didn’t realize at that point what a controversial topic sugar can be!
Such a hard topic is sugar. My daughter has ADHD. A cupcake for her would mean hours of potential off the wall behavior (her brain just can’t handle it). We go into birthday parties aware and knowing it is what it is and praying for the best. Those are the planned exposures to sugar. The unplanned are challenging. So while I would never intentionally throw another mom a sideways look (no judgement zone here – every family is different and we ALL are working towards a common goal of survival and raising awesome kids), I may be that mom that inwardly groans knowing the after effect of such a yummy treat!
Thanks for the mom-to-mom solidarity! We’re all parenting differently, but we all have the same basic goals for our children. Safe, loved, and healthy!
I believe in teaching our children balance. This is the way I grew up and all 5 of my siblings are of good health average weight. I remember school friends whose households were very strict with sugar intake- they were the ones who went crazy when given the opportunity! Sugar is a delicious treat that I think we and our children should enjoy occassionaly. I don’t let my kids have any more junk food than I do as I feel that sets them up for a lifetime of health, and they are growing and need healthy food to do that right. I have no problem with special birthday or holiday sweets, but don’t really like it when parents hand out snacks at every kid activity either (mine are young and with me during those times). I’m against the idea that they need a juice box and crackers to get through soccer practice as that makes it a little tough to get them to eat their dinner an hour later. Sad to hear your cupcakes were such a flop. I would feel the same way.
I do get annoyed with treats that spoil supper. And you’re right…if I ever do want my son to cut down on sugar in the future, it’s going to have to start with me and my diet as a good example.
Thank you for writing this. I couldn’t agree more. I eat sugar and I’m not overweight, I’m not addicted to it, I just LIKE it. It’s not killing me. It won’t kill my kids. Brownies, cookies, cupcakes… all great treats, in moderation. And not Satan. Though from the comments above, it’s clear there are hard-liners on sugar. I’m happy to say that I’m not one of them! Pass the brownies. 🙂
Yay! Someone else who is a fan of sugar. Someone must be eating all of these gorgeous desserts that are getting pinned on Pinterest. Am I right? 😉