There it is. The most common question my husband and I are asked. It creeps up in the grocery line. The church pew. The playgroups. The total strangers in the Target restroom. The “are you having any more children?” inquiry. Or, in East Tennessee terms, “Y’all havin’ any more?”
There is a certain ache that motherhood brings, both when you know the answer to that question and when you simply do not. Some mothers inherently know an instant answer, and others are still searching. The ache came last weekend for me, when I dropped off a car seat at the recycling center. My oldest has graduated to a booster and our middle child needed a new seat as well. The car seat was the first front facing one we purchased, it was now expired and riddled with stains, no matter how many times I took off that cover to wash it. It was the one that our oldest sat in traveling to our first beach trip as a family. The one that they fell asleep in on the way home from Christmas dinner at my grandmother’s home. But, you know motherhood has done a number on you when you watch that seat in your rear-view mirror as you drive away, then do a silent ugly cry while drowning this passing with a giant sweet tea.
It is the same feeling when you post a listing of your glass bottles on Craigslist.
Or place tiny onesies in a box in your attic labeled, “Baby Clothes.”
When you take down that crib, that has been standing tall for almost seven years, with tiny teeth markings on the railings, not sure if or when it will rest in that corner of the bedroom again.
Or bring out several books that they begged you to read when they were little and knew every word, and now they have no idea what you are talking about.
Having one child, three children, five children, however many you have, there is always a transition that comes. It sneaks up on you silently, and then one day you look around and realize that everyone is mobile, we are (almost!) all potty trained, and those ladies in the produce section pat your thirty-something self on the back and say, “It’s about time for another one!”
Is it? Is it “time” for another?
I get stuck in the “in-between.” How can it be that one minute you glance around your happy home and think “I would love one more!” to the very next minute silently proclaiming, “Please help me, Jesus. My soul’s in your hands.” (Those thoughts occur around bedtime hours. Anyone else with me?)
But sometimes you are waiting on that answer. And it is an answer you cannot control.
Maybe it is those two pink lines you have been waiting so long to see.
Maybe it is the phone call from the adoption agency.
Maybe it is a conversation you are terrified to bring up with your spouse because your house is a wreck and you are barely making it mentally day to day but yet that ache still persists.
But today? For today, let’s focus on the ones that are here and keep praying about the ones yet to come. Those tiny dresses from not so long ago bring tears, but so will the prom dresses of tomorrow. Each new season brings new bittersweet moments. They need you.
So. Are we having more children? I do not have an answer to that question just yet. Just do not ask me before bedtime.
![Pinterest](https://pinterest.com/pin/create/button/?url=https://knoxvillemoms.com/are-you-having-more-children/&media=https://knoxvillemoms.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Are-You-Having-More-Children.jpg&description="Are you having more children?" It's a question many parents are asked, and for many, it's an answer not easy to give. Here are some thoughts many parents have as they ponder their family size.){kind=link}
Great post!! I really don’t like that question, I feel like it’s nosy, and I usually don’t have an answer anyway. I thought we were done at 2… then I got the ache. Then after #3, we gave everything away (more ache) but I still thought we were done. Then we were surprised with #4 🙂 I began to realize that it may not exactly be up to us to decide, lol! If you asked me now… well, I’m conflicted, it probably depends on how clean my house is at the moment 😉
Haha! So true. I just mopped this afternoon and feeling on top of the world 😉 Yes. This question is a super personal one. And congrats on blessings #4!
I dread this question! And I always know when it is coming. Typically it is someone who doesn’t know me very well which makes it even harder to answer. Then again, why do I feel the need to give the “right” answer? We may or may not have anymore children. There are plenty of things keeping me from wanting another yet I still have this ache for another small person in my life someday.
Why do I feel the need to live up to the norm in the world. If I want to wait 5, 6, 7 years before I have another then, why not!
Obviously I have strong feelings about this subject 😉
I agree! It is usually a stranger for sure. It is interesting, not sure what they are really wanting to hear!!
I love this post because people always ask me if I will try for a girl. Like having a third boy would be a deal breaker? It’s a personal decision for everyone, and I had no idea so many strangers would be so interested!
I know! When we had a girl then a boy, people were surprised we were expecting again because we have “one of each”. Um, really?! I cannot imagine our lives without our 3rd child in it 🙂
Have you read “Be Fruitful and Multiply” by Colin Campbell. Amazing information!ll
Hey Kim! I will check it out for sure. I love everything the Campbells and Above Rubies puts out!
I absolutely love this post! Brought tears to my eyes for so many reasons. I feel like it is a nosy question, and who really knows except for God? It’s a tough one to answer.
My thoughts exactly, Brooke!
Preach sister!!! Exactly!
I am not having any more children. 2 was definitely my limit. I don’t ask people that question and I don’t like to be asked it either for the most part I feel like its a really nobody’s business!
SO so true. It is such a personal question on so many levels. I definitely refrain from asking as well!
We now get the opposite question…”You are having MORE???” My husband and I have 2 wonderful, amazing boys. Our oldest is 15, our middle is 12, and our youngest is 11. We love our family and feel very blessed to have these guys. And we were finished. But God has other plans. We are expecting twin girls in July. SURPRISE! SO, I would say, many times, the answer to that question is not up to us.
That is awesome congrats!!!! I totally agree, there is One who knows all. Have fun with your little girlies! That is such a blessing.
When I got pregnant with our first I thought, for sure, I would be the worst mother in the world. For Sure. But what a blessing that little colic-y (what is the word for that?) boy was and continues to be. We now have 6 littles, aged 10, 8, 6, 5, almost 4, and almost 2. His mercies are new every morning. Thankful I’m not the one in control 🙂 I do hope for more, but not just babies. It is so fun watching them grow and seeing what they become. Like you said, the seasons may be different, but they are all sweet. We also have a desire to adopt and/or foster children. I hope we have children running around here as long as we are physically able to care for them. And that is why people think we are crazy and wished they never asked if we would have more! 🙂
This is beautifully written. When I was 34 weeks pregnant with my one and only son, I was diagnosed with a rare form of leukemia. I began my lifelong chemotherapy when my boy was only 4 weeks old and battling severe acid reflux. Because of my cancer, my husband and I have decided it is not worth the risk to my health to stop my chemo long enough for another pregnancy. But my son is 18 months old now, and I know that “ache” all too well. Thank you for putting so beautifully into words what I cannot say and for the reminder to be thankful for the one miracle baby that we do have.
I’ve just discovered your blog, and I like what I’m reading so far! 🙂 I was just discussing this particular subject with our oldest children the other day. Even without birth control, not everyone may wind up with 20 kids like the Duggars; there were several women in the Bible who are mentioned as only have 1,2, or 3! And yet, some folks taking birth control wind up expecting a “surprise.” 😉 I firmly believe that, at the end of the day, this is a question for you, your husband, and the LORD most of all. Some people may be truly nosy, but I think for some it’s just an attempt at small talk, and what’s more obvious about you than the little ones you have with you? 🙂