Dear Me (of about three years and nine-ish months ago),
I know you are in shock right now. You just found out that instead of one baby, you’re going to have TWINS. Congratulations! Your world has been totally rocked and while you’re super excited, you’re also freaking out a little. Well, don’t worry. I am sitting here three years into this twin mom gig and while it is crazy some days, you’ll absolutely love it.
There are some things however, I wish I had known from the beginning.
First, breastfeeding is not going to be the best option for you. You will try your hardest and give it all you have, but it is not going to work out. Yes, I know there are lots of twin moms who can breastfeed successfully, but you aren’t one of them. Please, instead of feeling guilty and inadequate, be kind to yourself. Don’t waste so much time dwelling on this change in plans, and don’t count it as a failure. Let go of the mom guilt and own the decision to use formula. It will be the best choice for your family.
Also, you will (eventually) be able to tell your girls apart. I know you’re worried about this being an issue. It’s a little tricky in the beginning, and you’ll definitely have to label the baby pictures to avoid confusion in the future. But, I promise, it won’t take long to figure it out. Then it will confuse you how other people can’t instantly tell them apart.
Speaking of other people, I need to let you know that odd and sometimes rude things will be said to you on a regular basis. You will often feel like a walking sideshow in public due to all the stares and “whispered” comments. Learn to ignore it and to laugh at the complete strangers who ask if your twins are “natural” or feel the need to say they pity you. It’s not worth your time or energy to let these people get to you.
You are going to become a master of strategy and ingenuity. You will find creative ways to do all sorts of things for both babies simultaneously. Feeding or holding two babies at once will become second nature. You will learn how to evenly divide everything from snacks to stickers. Also, you will get the upper body strength of an American Gladiator from carrying two baby car seats around.
On a related note, you WILL be able to leave the house again. Trust me. This will be hard to imagine at first, but you can handle taking two little ones out of the house on your own. Grab your gigantic diaper bag and go for it. Your double stroller will become your best friend and your ticket to the world. Don’t be afraid to take it with you everywhere because transporting and containing two children is no joke.
Here’s more good news: you will survive the newborn stage, teething, and potty training. Both girls will eventually sleep through the night and take naps. Does having two going through tough milestones at the same time make it harder? Absolutely. But, you will also get to experience twice as many snuggles, twice as many “I love yous” and twice as many “firsts.”
The twin bond that your girls will have is incredible.
No, they won’t always get along, but they will have such a strong friendship. Your heart will melt when you see them playing together and giggling at their own inside jokes. And, it will break your heart when one twin feels sad simply because her sister is sad too. You will tear up the first time you see them give each other a hug or hold hands. You’ll feel so proud when they share and take turns. And you’ll hope and pray that their friendship lasts as they grow older.
The most important thing that I need you to know, though, is that you are enough.
You can take care of two children at once and do it well. But, also know that asking for help doesn’t make you any less of a mom. The first day that you take care of the girls all on your own will be scary and overwhelming, but you will do great and gain so much confidence.
I can honestly say that you have just been given the best news of your life. Yes, you are going to deal with two times everything, but remember that includes the good stuff too. Please cherish every moment because these first three years will go by faster than you can imagine. Remember that being a twin mom is a privilege and blessing. You are going to love it.
Love,
Me (now with three-year-olds)
