Becoming a parent jolts us like being on a corkscrew rollercoaster that’s had the emergency break pulled. We are left hanging, dangling, not knowing which way we are going and instantly scared and worried about the outcome. Furthermore, our free time is snatched away in a day and there is no longer 100% freedom in our foreseeable future. Throughout my 13 years of parenthood, I have learned that weekends and even longer breaks create a wide range of feelings within me that have ebbed and flowed based on the stages my kids are in. I’m sure every mom feels different based on their individual circumstances.
Here is my weekend happiness meter throughout the years. I would love to see how your experience compares in the comments!
Weekend Happiness Meter: LOVE
After the birth of my first child, I chose to continue working. I can’t say I wanted to keep working once she was here, but my husband and I had never discussed the alternative. If we found a suitable daycare, there was no reason for me to not work. As much as I loved weekends before becoming a parent (which usually consisted of one day of chores and one day of being lazy), I couldn’t wait for the weekend once I was a mom. I missed my daughter so much during the week. I hated that the daycare teachers were catching all her little facial expressions, witnessing her first step, and feeding her lunch. Weekends meant that I could spend all day with her, take naps with her, go on special outings, feed her meals, and take 300 pictures of her evolving personality. Even though I was exhausted, weekends allowed me to experience our firsts together and I looked forward to them every week!
Weekend Happiness Meter: LIKE
When that little baby turned 18 months, we made the choice to become a single-income household so I could raise our daughter and we could eventually grow our family. In my naiveté, I didn’t know that time works differently when you’re a stay-at-home-mom. When I was at work, 10am felt like 10am. But when I was home with my child, 10am felt like 3pm and then I’d lose my mind over wondering how it wasn’t even near lunch time yet. The days were SO long alone with my kid while my husband worked (and often traveled for days at a time). All I could do was pray for the weekend to get here so I’d at least have a little more help from the hubs, but even then, it was more of the same. The weekend was the same as the weekdays. It was a love/hate relationship because I got to see my husband more and we all got to do things together as a family, but it was still more of the same. Are you sensing the theme here? More of the same.
Weekend Happiness Meter: ON THE DOWNSWING
As more babies arrived in our lives (two more to be exact), the days at least moved faster because there was never time to slow down, but the weekends continued to just be an extension of the week. Help from daddy, out of town visits from grandparents, and family outings helped to differentiate M-F from S-S. My duties, however, remained the same. I did not have work me vs home me. Weekday me still equaled weekend me. I loved being a SAHM, but the weekends gradually became my enemy. Baby smiles kept me sane as the older two were racing through their whining and crying years. It helped that my oldest was in a preschool program so at least that created some type of difference within the week. But I saw a downward spiral trending.
Weekend Happiness Meter: HATE
Once my kids were all in some form of school, i.e. once my youngest two were in preschool and my oldest had started kindergarten, I dreaded normal weekends, three-day weekends, and long holidays. Summer almost gave me heart palpitations. Around the beginning of March each year, I started feeling like I was running out of time. Being a SAHM meant my job was everything kids, appointments, errands, chores, sicknesses, early mornings, late nights, and middle of the nights. As each child started their preschool years, I gradually got some moments of freedom back to do all the other things that needed to be accomplished and maybe even time here and there to focus on my own goals and wants.
Once I got a taste of those free weekday hours, I longed for that alone time. Mondays couldn’t get here fast enough so I could get back to crossing things off my list. Christmas break couldn’t end fast enough so I could get my house back in order and enjoy the quiet. And summers (as much as I love warm weather) couldn’t conclude fast enough. While other moms were crying at school drop-off, my mood that first day back to school in August was akin to a kid in a candy shop. It was like a day at an amusement park! It was like winning the lottery! Ok, maybe that last one is a little over the top. My point is, those school hours held so much possibility for me. I could finish chores, clean the house, run errands, work out, write, give the dog my undivided attention, purge closets, take a moment of silence with coffee in hand, visit with my parents and actually talk about whatever without interruption or having to whisper and spell out our gossip. The possibilities were endless! But once Friday afternoon arrived, I knew my time was coming to an end. I would start to panic! My list wasn’t all crossed off yet! I knew I wouldn’t be getting anything done for the next 2 ½ days. Everything would revolve around accommodating the needy children.
Weekend Happiness Meter: ON THE UPSWING
Now that my kids span 2nd-7th grades, my mood towards weekends is slightly shifting in the optimistic direction. Previously, whenever I was speaking to other moms about a long break starting, they all seemed so excited for the “time with their babies.” Or we’d be talking about summer ending and they were all sad for the craziness of the school year to be imminent. Meanwhile, my blunt voice was interjecting with, “Get these kids back to school!” or “Why does there have to be two snow days right after a 3-day weekend?!” I was secretly confused why every other mom out there seemed to look forward to school being out for whatever reason while I snuck around my house like a mouse trying not to be found.
But here I am, kids getting older, and I’m starting to sense what those other moms were saying. I’ve noticed a slight difference in my mood when the weekends arrive. I still love my no-kid hours and am even venturing back into part-time work, signing up for volunteer opportunities, and focusing on personal goals so my time is fulfilling again and not just about laundry, Costco runs, and sitting in car lines. But now that the kids are becoming more self-sufficient and can keep themselves entertained, the weekends are shifting back to the relaxing vibe they once were. I’m excited about the future of weekends again!
I have always wondered if becoming a SAHM is what made me fall out of love with the school breaks. Did working moms always continue loving weekends and breaks because it was the only time they felt they could get good time with their kids? It probably always at least felt like a break from work if they had a normal weekday job. Or did working moms also go through phases based on their kids’ ages of loving and hating the weekends, holiday breaks and summers? Either way, I’m happy to report that the future of weekends and breaks are looking sunny. Now that my kids are getting older, we can spend those moments bonding on a more mature level, doing things we both love and relaxing.
To those moms who feel like every day of the week is on repeat, or those who prefer a weekday schedule over weekend craziness, more freedom is on the horizon. Looking forward to the future and not wanting to wish away the present is allowed to be felt at the same time.
