The Presence Of (Grand)Parents

Once upon a time, dating not too far back in history, babies were born, they grew up where they were born, they married where they were born, they had babies of their own where they were born, and they died where they were born. Full circle of life, all happening in the same town, surrounded by all their family members who had also spent their entire lives in the same town.

Obviously, times have changed.

Kids graduate high school or college and move cross country. Or maybe they stay in town, but a job transfers them away years later. Maybe they stay in the same state, but head to a different city for a change of scenery and a little distance from relatives. While I loved where I grew up, I knew it’s not where I wanted to stay. So I moved. And then moved again. And then moved again.

Sixteen years.

That’s the amount of time my husband and I were married without any family nearby. Sure, we’d visit them and they’d visit us, but every encounter was a scheduled vacation, usually planned around a holiday, a birth, a birthday, or sometimes the occasional surprise. Inevitably, most of our vacation time went towards visiting family instead of exploring new places. We watched friends who had stayed in their hometowns have constant get-togethers with their parents and possibly even their siblings. We had friends who never needed to find a babysitter because grandma was already on her way. We vicariously went on vacation through those friends’ Facebook pictures to the beach or out of country or wherever their vacation time was spent. We even had friends who included us in their family gatherings, knowing we didn’t have any family around to celebrate a festivity that day. We were envious of our friends and family who lived in town with their parents and knew how lucky they were, but that just wasn’t our situation. We had moved away, found jobs, and started our family. The traveling would have to continue.

Then the unexpected happened.

After those sixteen years of all family members being states away, BOTH sets of our parents moved here to Knoxville within eight months of each other. There was subtle fear (as we had never been in town as a married couple with our parents before), but mostly excitement. Family meals could mean more chairs around the table!

Babysitters could be replaced with doting grandmas and grandpas! Our kids could have a whole new appreciation for what it’s like having family down the road! Vacations could be actual vacations! The big AND the small celebrations could happen with them! I could have actual one-on-one conversations in person with my parents without being constantly interrupted by kids because I could just go see them during school time! So many little things would change that people who have always had family nearby probably never even realized mattered.

We now have a greater appreciation for what it means to live in town with parents. Because we went for so long without them around, we don’t take for granted their presence. Our kids can grow up having a closer relationship to their grandparents. We can help them with house projects and technology troubles and heavy lifting. We’ve been able to help them explore a new town.

We can lounge around in the pool together spontaneously on a hot summer day. We can celebrate ALL the holidays and ALL the birthdays and ALL the award ceremonies/concerts/sports games…or not! That’s the beauty of it! We can all pick and choose how and when we want to do stuff together without it turning into a scheduled full day car drive to another state.

We cooked too much for dinner? Oops! Let’s just invite some parents over!

I’m sick and my husband is out of town? Thanks, M-I-L, for bringing over dinner for me and the kids!

We want to try out the new Top Golf? Hey dad, wanna come along?!

The possibilities seem endless! Sometimes I worry we are overwhelming them, but we are just so grateful they are here. We missed out on so many years of the little things not happening together that we are trying to make up for it while we have this fortunate chance.

Now, there is always a stack of Tupperware that needs returned and there is a special spot in our home for their slippers and house shoes when they come over…we couldn’t be happier! If you are close with your family and they live nearby, don’t take it for granted. Enjoy their presence!

Does your family live nearby or afar? If the opposite all of a sudden happened, how would you handle the switch?