Life is pretty crazy for me right now. I’m in a stage where I’m learning new things and facing brand new territory every single day. I’m entering the strange and wonderful world of toddlerhood with my son. I’m taking on exciting new challenges at work. I’m dealing with the loss of a parent. My husband has a new job with grueling hours, which requires a lot of support from me at home and with our son.
I’ve got a lot of responsibility on my shoulders, and while I’m grateful for all of it, I’m in a near constant state of stress and exhaustion. All of this new territory brings a lot of self-doubt as to whether I’m doing it all “right.”
I generally thrive on a little pressure, but sometimes the weight of it all — the stress and anxiety and self-doubt — gets the best of me. The past two weeks have reached a fever-pitch, with the combination of a terrible case of poison ivy, a chest cold, a deadline at work, and preparing for an upcoming vacation almost taking me down.
It’s been a lot. But amidst all of the chaos, I keep coming back to a few simple, comforting thoughts that get me through:
“You’ve got this. It’s a lot, but you were built for this, and you won’t be given more than you can handle. You have everything you need to navigate this stage of life and figure this out. You don’t have to be perfect or do everything perfectly. You just have to be true to you.”
When things get off the rails, and I get overwhelmed with stress and I start feeling unqualified to live my own life, I step back, re-focus, and remind myself to do the following:
Trust your instincts.
Tap into the resources available to you.
Focus on doing what you’re good at and what only you can do, and ask for help with the rest.
Celebrate your strengths and share them generously with others.
Accept and acknowledge your weaknesses gracefully.
I remind myself constantly: You are not perfect, and you don’t have all the answers. You have weaknesses, you have holes. And yet, you have exactly what your son needs. You have what your husband needs. You have everything you need to succeed at work. You have so much to give, and the only way through is to focus on those things, and play them up to the best of your ability. Figure out a way to use what you have to make the most of each and every situation, and don’t be afraid to ask for help where you need it.
Don’t worry about or focus on what’s missing, or what you don’t have. No one has a full package; we’re all given a few bits and pieces of good stuff and lots of not so good stuff, and it’s up to us to figure out how to best use what we’ve got. And regardless of where we shine or where we struggle, when it comes right down to it, every single one of us has everything we need to get through this life and this thing called parenthood.
My life and my parenting are not perfect and never will be. But perfection is not the goal. My son doesn’t need perfection. He needs me and his dad to show up just as we are and give it all we’ve got. That’s all any of us can do, and that is enough.
