Last month, while I was putting together a birthday present for my niece, I gathered stories and words of wisdom from her family. There were so many cute stories and quotes, but one stopped me in my tracks. I asked my kids to give their three-year-old cousin some “words of wisdom.”
“Never stop being you,” my tween daughter said. I did a double take at her and I was like, “Oh. Wow, that’s really great advice.”
In a world where we are constantly wanting to fit in, we find ourselves shrinking to fit where we want. We are watching reels of influencers telling us what styles are in, what pair of sneakers the cool moms are wearing, which style of Uggs our teens want or what is the hottest Stanley color/design.
Authenticity is really hard to find in the world.
I have been thinking about my daughter’s quote over the last few weeks. I pause for the future and I hope with all of my heart that she never stops being her. In August, she’ll be walking into middle school. She probably won’t be wearing the coolest sneakers, or the “in” style of socks (who brought crew socks back anyway?!?!). She may not have the hottest color of Stanley, heck she may not even want Stanley by then.
But, I want to cultivate her true self. She may not be captain of the high school basketball team, a star on the softball field, or even homecoming queen. She may not win first place in a race or be valedictorian of her graduating class. All of those are really cool achievements, things that may make you incredibly happy in the moment. But, one day she won’t be playing sports with friends or trying to ace a test. The homecoming queen sash and tiara will get thrown in a box in someone’s attic.
The one thing she will carry through her entire life: herself.
Why not be your true, authentic self? One that makes YOU proud of who you are, not the validation from others around you? Your one true self that attracts the right friends, the right spouse?
This is the one thing that will stay with her forever, so why not love who you are?
So what if she would rather ride horses than play basketball?
So what if she wears socks with a smiley face instead of a Nike swoosh?
So what if she wears homemade tie dye shirts with neon-colored shorts instead of the newest Lululemon outfits?
Her kindness and love for herself and others outshines any popularity contest she could ever win. Those are three things many people don’t have.
I’ll take a kind, loving, authentic girl over one trying to be something she isn’t. Expensive clothes don’t make a person. A huge Stanley definitely doesn’t make a person. Crew socks with a Nike swoosh? Barf.
As middle school is looming, I know there are mean girls (and boys!) waiting to pounce. Waiting to tear someone else down to make themselves feel better about their own shortcomings. Maybe it’s out of jealousy; maybe they’d love to be the artsy/sporty/non-name brand wearing kid, but their own friends and family have different expectations of them. Maybe they don’t like the person they are and it’s easier to point their finger at someone else than to re-evaluate who they are.
I want my daughter to value herself and have self-confidence in herself, and not to rely on others to give her value.
She may be my Sue Heck, but I dare you to tell me that you don’t love Sue. (This is a reference to the tv show “The Middle” and if you haven’t seen it, add it to your list! And then report back with how much you love and care for Sue.) Sue won my heart from the beginning and nothing would make me prouder than to say my daughter has similar attributes to this fictional television character.
If only I could have had her self-confidence and self-love that she has, I would’ve been so much happier in middle school.
