Moving Back Home: A Marriage of Two Households

When you hear that someone has moved back home, what do you picture? Do you think of the college grad who moved home while on the job hunt? Do you picture the couple moving back in with an elderly parent that needs care? Do you think of the newly single parent moving back home temporarily until a new housing situation opens up?

All of those situations are totally valid. Mine is a little different.

In April, my husband, my boys, and I moved into the house in which I grew up, but we didn’t move in with my parents. Instead, my parents moved out of their house because my dad’s job took him to a new city. Since they’re getting closer to retirement age, they decided against selling their house until they make a decision on where they want to retire, but in the meantime, their house sat vacant during the week.

That’s where we came in. We lived in a 1,000 square foot apartment that was growing more and more cramped between the four of us and our dog. This situation really benefits both my parents and me. They get to keep their house, but have it cared for while we get a rent-free home for a little while. It sounded like a dream. Move back to the comfort of my childhood home? Get away from the awful apartment? Move to the quiet Karns community I grew up in? Yes, please!

And then reality set in.

My husband and I were moving five years’ worth of stuff from our tiny apartment, while my parents were assessing what they could and could not move into their own tiny apartment. And so the conversations began.

Which pieces of furniture could they leave behind for us to care for? Would we be okay with their washer and dryer until they had a place for it? Is it okay that we didn’t finish all the updates that we planned to do? Could we keep our boys (and dog) from destroying my mom’s prized green couch? (Spoiler alert: that couch has already been up close and personal with a Sharpie.)

And so it went. We discussed all the updates my parents wanted to make in their house, attempted to get through a few of those before our move-out date, and determined how to utilize each room of the house. We kept a bed in one of the bedrooms as a guest room that serves as “granny and papa’s room” when my parents are in town.

When we moved in, I realized just how surreal it was to be moving back into my childhood home and living in the master room. My oldest is in my childhood bedroom (much removed from the blueberry walls and cute trim of old), while the kitchen and living room look much the same as they did before with the exceptions of some of my appliances and a few pieces of furniture.

Marrying two households in this manner is similar but not the same as marrying two households when you move in with a spouse. The real notable differences here are that most of the furnishings my parents left behind will eventually be moved into a larger space when they make a decision on where (or if) they’ll move long-term. There’s also a feeling that this, like apartment living, is all too temporary for us. Sure, it might be a few years before we move again, but while we’re here, if feels like we’re on borrowed time.

Of course, the strangest thing is how it feels to be living here now without my parents. It still feels like it’s their house in many ways. I don’t blame them for not having space to move all their things out, and even if they had, this house would still feel like it’s theirs. My son still calls it granny and papa’s house and asks if we’re going home when we drive over to the side of town our apartment complex was in. I worry about keeping everything in tip-top shape so my mom isn’t disappointed when she visits.

Perhaps this is normal when you move back home as an adult. I’m not sure because it’s the first time I’ve ever done it. I never moved out officially until I got married, and now I’m back and in charge of the house instead of my mom. I know with time it will probably feel more and more like our home instead of my parents’ house, but for right now, it’s a marriage of two households that doesn’t quite mesh for me.

Maybe I need to finish unpacking and hanging up all my pictures. And maybe I’m procrastinating. Moving back home is a little strange, but I’m so glad we did it.