Moms Need Cactus Friendships

I recently saw a challenge on TikTok telling women to stop texting their friends first in order to “see what dead plants they’ve been watering.” Meaning, of course, that if you are the one texting your friends all the time, if you are the one trying to schedule get-togethers that they can only make occasionally, then that friendship is “dead” and you are the only reason it appears to be “living.” You are supposed to believe that those friends don’t truly care for you and you need better friends. 

I call straight up BULL!

This is a lie and all it will do is make you question a part of your life that should be one of the easiest for you. Friendship is a gift. But it’s also a real, human relationship and it will always be a balance between two personalities. Some seasons will have you doing all the yardwork and some will have you reaping the fruits of your friend’s labor.

Being a Mom is a HUGE job and a really busy season of life in itself. Then add in full-time jobs and kids in sports and having pets, etc., and tell me where “expert gardener” fits? WHERE exactly does that time to “water plants” come from? Does it get stolen from your children’s school plays? Do you skip out on your job early? Should you forget about quality, kid-free time with your spouse? Maybe you need to give up showering or that occasional 10 minutes spent in a line waiting on iced coffee. 

You can probably guess what my answer is…This is BULL!

I have friendships that I’ve had for over 30 years, and I have friendships still in the first few years of existence. These relationships are definitely not plants; they are my own personal cactus garden. I don’t have to lovingly tend, water, provide perfect sunlight and constantly mist these to keep them alive and healthy. Nope. My friends and I are a hardy mix of different types of cactus that can be “forgotten” for months at a time if needed and still be our perfect spiky selves when pulled out and given that little bit of water whenever possible. And it’s not because our friendships are dead or lacking in any way. If I seriously needed my friends, they would drop everything and drive five hours to be by my side without a second thought. It’s not because we don’t love and value each other that we don’t have time to constantly prune and water our friendships. It’s because we are all Moms and we all understand that this is a busy season of life. 

Yes, once upon a time we spent many days and nights hanging out and calling or texting each other…pre-kids. And yes, we will have time to plant, tend, water, prune and mist our plants again one day. But for now, we are happy having cactus friendships and let me tell you, they aren’t dying from dry soil anytime soon! 

I’m not promoting shallow relationships. I’m asking you to forget about being surrounded by award-winning gardeners for now and to give your friends some love and grace. I guarantee they are trying their best. They (like you) are juggling so much in life that each and everyday they are trying to choose which part of life can be shuffled into the “later” category and which has to be given attention now. 

The roots of your meaningful friendships run deep and no amount of underwatering those plants will kill them off. So don’t worry about having a green thumb right now, Moms. Just collect a whole shelf full of cute Cactus Friendships and know that your lack of time for watering, won’t leave you lonely.