Picture this: You’re young, fairly awesome, you’ve got a great sense of humor, you’re doing the mom thing and catching onto things at a decent pace. You’ve also just opened your own business and it’s booming. Life is hectic and crazy, but you’re loving it. You’re at your best weight, you’re sleep deprived, but you’re a mom, so what else is new? And you seem to be juggling it all fairly well, if you don’t say so yourself.
One moment, you’re on top of the world and nothing can stop you, not even a concussion, and the next? You’re in the back of your restaurant, looking around at people you’ve hired and worked with for some intense weeks, but have no idea who they are. You don’t know your name, you don’t know what year it is, and you’ve forgotten you have a child.
Kind of seems like something out of a movie, but that was me on May 5th, 2018. I had just opened my first restaurant location in St. Petersburg, Florida, and I was pulling more than 80-hour weeks. Business was straight. Up. BOOMINNNG. It was fast paced and crazy, and I loved every moment. Sleep deprived, I’d hit my head and gotten a severe concussion, but being a single mom and a self-proclaimed bad you know what, I didn’t think anything of it until May 5th, 2018.
It was then that I lost my ability to speak, walk and think clearly. The first few days were the hardest; not knowing if I would ever be able to speak again, stuttering, slurring, and crying from frustration. Weeks ticked by and thankfully I got better.
I had what is known in the medical world as a TIA (transient ischemic attack), aka a mini-stroke. Several medical websites explain it as this: “A neurological event with the signs and symptoms of a stroke, but which go away within a short period of time. Also called a mini-stroke, a TIA is due to a temporary lack of adequate blood and oxygen (ischemia) to the brain.” Even smaller terms? Ya girl went too hard.
So what did this teach me, as a woman and mother, other slowing down a little?
I learned to ask for HELP.
Imagine not being able to stand and having to ask others to not only bathe your daughter, but help you shower as well. Not being able to cook because standing makes you dizzy. Not being able to climb stairs in your own home, because it throws off your equilibrium. As moms we try to do it all, all the time. I’ve now learned that it’s okay to ask for help and to ask often. Your tribe will want to give you this break during the busy seasons of our lives, just like I’m sure you love to give your peeps quiet time when you can. This help lessen the load from my shoulders, knowing it was OKAY to ask for help if I felt I needed it.
I learned to LIVE. IN. THE. MOMENT.
During those days in which I KNEW what I wanted to say, but couldn’t, all I could think was, “Will I ever be able to speak again? I love to talk. I love to talk to other people. I love to belt Disney and Biggie Smalls songs while driving around town. Will I ever be able to do that again? Will I be able to talk to my daughter? What about on her wedding day? Will I be able to give a toast!?” The list goes on and on…AND ON, cause ya girl can overthink and be a little extra at times.
Such panic and anxiety taught me that you only get this one life. You have to enjoy the moments with your children, even the trivial ones. Enjoy them, because tomorrow they could be GONE.
As a mother, this showed me that if the cup of milk spills — who cares? Take this moment to teach your child how to clean milk with paper towels. If your child wants to spend an hour talking about play-doh and its effect on dinner — listen. This could be useful information; after all, when will be the last time your mini wants to share this with you?
I learned to do things for ME.
When all of this happened, I was going above and beyond to do things for others, but not myself. My restaurant team switched days off so that someone was always able to check on me, take me for a walk, watch my mini-me, and take me for a drive. It was during these times that I realized I wasn’t doing anything for me. Nothing to decompress or take away the stress of crazy days.
Now? I have daily self-dates — weekly things I do for ME — like blowouts and nail appointments. Self-care is JUST AS important as caring for our babies. They need to see us doing well mentally, emotionally and physically, so that they have a good example. As a mother, I felt guilty about this. As a woman, man did I feel hawt! I felt beautiful. I felt lovely. I felt confident and like I had my you know what TOGETHER. Even small things like putting on red lipstick for me made me feel like a rock star.
The most important thing I learned? GIRL, IT IS OKAY TO SAY NOPE.
Who else feels like they must say yes to pretty much everything? From our job, to spouses, to children? Listen to your mind (or in my case my body), and say nope! Even if it’s a five-minute break or a day, say no, and say yes to yourself! Learning to say no allowed me to decompress and re-evaluate my priorities, not the mindless tasks that I added to my to-do list. And honestly, my life and career are built around saying yes to everyone which can be utterly exhausting, sooo…saying nope felt like a margarita on taco tuesday!
Say NOPE to tiring yourself with stuffed to the brim schedules.
Say NOPE to dishes for the next hour, especially after you’ve worked or watched your babes all day, and then cooked dinner.
Say NOPE to family members that stress you out and give you crap about your parenting decisions and lifestyle.
Say NOPE to co-workers and strangers that have “advice” that honestly just puts ya in a funk.
Say NOPE to the negative self talk in your head, girl. Don’t do it!
AND JUST SAY NOPE to those trashy friends who don’t lift you up, and who don’t have your back! You know the ones I’m talking about. They are why you’ve got that negative self talk! The ones that make everything about them and don’t even both to ask about your day, or your emotional well-being. Just say NOPE. (Or as my extra self likes to say, “Not today, Satan!”)
NOPE. NOPE. NOPE. NOPE. NOOOOOOPE!
It saddens me that it took being trapped in my own head to learn this. I wish I had realized this before all the cray-cray went down. Yet here I am.
My goal for all women, especially moms, is to feel empowered. I want to be your cheerleader and your strength and the voice that says “YAHHSSS QUEEN!”
My shoulder is always here for you, and I almost always bring coffee and biscuits.
