“Sorry, we can’t go” has been our theme for the past year. After we welcomed our sweet baby into this world, we knew things would change, but this was not something we considered. We are the first out of most of our friends to have children and “I’m sorry, we can’t go” has been our response and it sucks. I want to go to Mexico, I want to go out on a Saturday night with a 30-minute notice, and I want to randomly take off to the cabin, but “I’m sorry we can’t go.”
First, I owe an apology to my best friend that does have two kids. If you read this, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry if I was a crappy friend when you had to bail because one of the girls was sick. I’m sorry if you felt rushed when we were trying to go shopping. I’m sorry if you felt like you had to tell me yes when I asked you to do crazy things. I didn’t know and I’m sorry.
Throughout the past year I have learned there is enormous brain growth pre- and post-child.
When you make a decision, it will no longer only affect you, but also your family. I find myself overthinking every situation because “taking off” just isn’t easy anymore. I no longer can hop in the car and drive to Disney World with four days’ notice. Now, just going to Pigeon Forge for the day we have to pack six diapers, five different snacks, four pacis, three books, at least two outfits, and one baby. So if you want your friends to spend the night with a baby, you better have enough room for them to bring the whole house. This has created our theme of “I’m sorry, we can’t go.” Some reasoning is because we can’t call our parents at 9:30pm with 30 minutes’ notice and other reasons are because, it’s just plain hard.
I’m terrified we are soon going to be forgotten by our childless friends.
We aren’t fun anymore. Just the other night we received a call from our friends yelling and having so much fun asking us to come out. I looked over at Matt and Brady throwing the basketball laughing and I said, “I’m sorry we can’t go.” I was a mix between happy and sad. This is our life now. Don’t forget about us.
Some may think that I am not grateful for my family. This is a constant tug in my heart. I feel guilty for being sad, which shouldn’t be the case. We are in fact moms, but we were first daughters, friends, and wives. Just because I pop out this wonderful bundle of joy from my body doesn’t mean I lose myself. I am allowed to have fun, go out, and also be the best darn mom in the world.