Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff, Momma

As a Type A human and mom, it’s really difficult for me to not sweat the small stuff. I sweat. I used to sweat all the stuff all the time. When the good Lord made me a boy mom times three, I knew I had to stop sweating some things or I’d spend my entire motherhood just sweating and not enjoying. There are definitely things in motherhood that we need to sweat. If my child is being disrespectful to other adults, you bet I am sweating it. If my child is being mean to other children, I’m sweating it (and disciplining my child). If I see characteristics of depression, anxiety, etc., then I’m rightfully sweating it and looking for ways to solve it. Those types of things are not small things. Those are the big things in motherhood that have to be addressed now in order for our children to become successful adults. However, there are lots of other “things” that we sweat as mothers that, in all honesty, don’t really matter in the long run.

It’s important to keep in mind that a lot of things that happen in our children’s lives are just blips on the radar, points on the map, and bends in their journey. They aren’t worth stressing over, worrying over, or obsessing over.

Here are a few small things that after 19 years of parenting, I’ve learned to stop sweating over:

1. Grades in elementary school

I remember very clearly the first time my oldest child came home with a D on his report card. He was in 3rd grade. It was in ELA. I was a teacher. I was shocked and devastated and felt like I had failed him as a parent and that he was failing as a student. Third grade was a hard year. It’s still a hard year for kids. I have realized now that I have a third grader AGAIN that the C he brought home on his report card doesn’t really matter. The D on the report card didn’t change the course of my older son’s life and this C on his report card now won’t alter his course either. It’s a grade. It’s a snapshot of how he’s doing, growing, and developing. It’s an area we can work on and improve. It’s not worth punishing him or punishing myself. As long as my son is trying his best, that’s all I can ask and all I really care about. Him being able to make an inference based on a picture is something small that I’m not willing to sweat about.

2. Wardrobe choices

This one kills me. I had visions before I became a mother of dressing my boys in certain clothes and portraying certain vibes and I am 0 for 3 in this endeavor. All three of my boys have strong opinions of what they will wear, and it does not match my vision at all.  It’s not even remotely close. I’ve had to stop sweating it. I’ve had to stop sweating the fact that I wash the same outfit multiple times a week for one child and can only pick out pants with no buttons for the other child, and know good and well that anytime I ask them to dress up for anything, I’m going to get push back. I’ve learned to bribe for the moment and then move on. I’m not sweating it.

3. State tests

I’ve been a teacher since 2002 and believe in the power of education and the public school system. I believe that education and learning can break all kinds of cycles and set kids up for success. However, as a mother, I refuse to sweat the state assessments our students are given at the end of each year (even the 3rd grade one!). I have fully prepared myself for the reality that my son may not pass the 3rd grade test and I’m not sweating it. I repeat…I’m not sweating it. Do I think it’s fair? No. Do I think it’s an accurate measurement of his abilities? Also, no. Am I going to let it ruin anything about our summer or his 4th grade year? Absolutely not. I’m not sweating it. If he has to go to summer school, we will do it and move on. I’ve done plenty of things in my life that I haven’t enjoyed or felt were fair, and he will have to as well. It’s a life lesson and one that’s not worth sweating.

4. Food choices

This one is by far one of the more frustrating situations of motherhood, but I’ve reminded myself over and over to not sweat the ever-changing food choices of my children. Of course, I want them to eat healthy things. We make healthy meals, eat healthy things in front of them, and encourage healthy choices, but I refuse to spend all day every day upset with my kids for what they do or don’t eat. Don’t get me wrong; I get frustrated. I get frustrated that no matter what dinners we make, they don’t like them and end up eating the same five things. It’s annoying but it’s not worth sweating over. Food should not be a constant argument between me and my children. Dinner time should be fun, conversational, and enjoyable. When I sweat over what they eat, dinner time turns into a miserable show of sulking and pouting. It’s not worth it. Just as their little brains develop, so do their little palates. This isn’t forever. It’s a blip on the radar, a point on the map, a bend in their journey. I know lots of successful adults who still eat chicken nuggets at fancy restaurants.

As mothers, we have a lot of things to sweat over. Things that matter. Kindness matters, our children’s health matters, their safety and protection matter. Don’t get caught up sweating the small things that really don’t matter. My D in 10th grade Geometry didn’t keep me from becoming a successful human being. I just knew I would probably never be an architect! 

Failures lead us to make choices, and our choices lead us to become who we are. Don’t be afraid of failures, preferences, and choices that feel abnormal. Our children are slowly morphing into the best versions of themselves. We just have to be willing to let them.