The 30s decade is marked by change. You step into a new identity as a mother, experiencing shifts in career and family life. Naturally, there is less focus on personal desires and self, for better or worse. There are mouths to be fed and bums to be wiped, all in an effort to raise good humans. Some days it feels like the goal is to “survive and advance.”
You blink, and two years have passed.
You plow forward and make decisions without much thought. You take the path of least resistance. You subconsciously evaluate the people around you and use their lives (or what you perceive them to be) as a measuring stick for how you are doing. You let the influencer tell you how to parent and Amazon tell you what you need. You work hard to provide for your kids – a comfortable life, good schools, vacations, sports, and opportunity. You never stop to ask yourself, WHY…you just do it.
But you don’t have to wait for a midlife crisis to start asking questions.
Any good relationship is founded on questions. How can you intimately know someone if you never have a sense of curiosity about them and a desire to deeply know them? The same holds true for your relationship to yourself and how you engage in your life. Get curious about yourself, your actions, your feelings, your relationships, your health, your motivations, your beliefs, and your dreams.
Ask some questions (the list goes on!):
- What do I spend my time doing?
- Why do I do what I do?
- What are my values?
- What are our family values?
- Do my actions align with said values?
- What visions and dreams do we share as a family?
- What do I believe about God?
- What gives my life meaning?
- Why am I tired?
- Am I healthy?
- What am I putting in my body?
- What gets me excited?
- What makes me sad?
- What gives me energy?
- What are my gifts and talents?
- What fears do I have?
- Why do I feel lonely?
- What do I love about myself?
There are practical questions to be asked too that can help you prepare as you approach the second half of life “over the hill.” Each question should always be followed with the question, WHY, so you can evaluate what is TRULY motivating you to do what you do, and if you are OK with it.
- Where and when will we plant our family?
- What does family mealtime look like for us?
- How can we prioritize physical health?
- What routines can we instill in our daily lives?
- What media do we/will we consume?
- How will we school our children?
- How can we engage with our community?
- Who will be a part of our family life moving forward (or not)?
- How will we care for our parents as they age?
- How much time and money will we spend traveling as a family?
- What activities will we expose our kids to?
- How will we spend/invest our money?
- How will we plan for retirement?
You can ask infinite questions, and you should! Questions stimulate critical thinking and can help you discover who you are! This isn’t an exercise to plow through, but a practice to implement in your life. Practice curiosity and give yourself space to ponder.
If you can learn anything from your toddler, it is to keep asking questions!
