You Can Do Hard Things

One day, I overheard my cousin tell her daughter during a difficult moment, “You can do hard things” and it has stuck with me ever since. The statement has become somewhat of a mantra at my house. You will often hear it said by myself or my husband in response to my six-year-old twins when they declare they “can’t” do something they haven’t even tried or they simply don’t want to do something. My two-year-old can be heard saying it to herself when she is climbing a big slide or trying to carry something slightly too heavy. I say it to myself sometimes during tough life moments when I am overwhelmed or feel inadequate. It has helped me many times through tough mom moments.

“You can do hard things” is a phrase I hope will help me raise confident women.

You can’t build confidence without learning what you are capable of achieving. I love seeing the pride in my older girls’ faces when they succeed at something new. Lately, that’s looked like them taking more responsibility for their morning school routine. They have learned how to make their own breakfasts, pick out their own clothes, and get their own stuff together. The first time we asked them to do those things, there was a lot of whining and saying, “I can’t do it, it’s too hard.” No saying or mantra (even if it’s true and empowering) can keep all the whining away, but every time they did one of those tasks on their own, their confidence grew, and the hard things became easy things for them.

I am not going to lie, though; sometimes it goes against the way that I naturally want to parent. I have to fight the urge to always make life easy for them. I want them to be kids, but I also know that I need to start preparing them for the hard things that life will naturally bring. I will step in when it’s appropriate, but I strive to let them be independent when possible. Sometimes (a lot of the time) this is hard for me as a type A, anxiety-prone mom. In some situations, it takes all I have in me to not jump in and “rescue” my kids from the possibility of danger or failure.

I also want my kids to recognize that doing hard things doesn’t mean you can’t ask for help. For us, this is fueled by our faith. My girls know that they can do hard things with the help of a God who loves them. They also know that their dad and I love them no matter what and we are there to support them. Some hard things in life are meant to be faced with the help of others.

Plus, they are learning that while they certainly can do hard things, sometimes they will fail when they try something hard, and that’s okay too. They are building perseverance and discovering the power of trial and error. I pray this keeps them from fearing failure and always choosing the easier path.

I hope one day they will be able to look back and be proud of the hard things they were able to do because they were brave enough to try.