Being a twin parent comes with its own special set of challenges. Twin parents are often faced with decisions that parents without twins never have to consider. We are constantly navigating the challenge of how to best raise two children as individuals while also respecting the special bond they share as twins.
One such decision is the choice of whether to place them in the same class at school or not.
This is the number one thing I get asked about now that my girls are in kindergarten. When I answer that they are in separate classes, I always get a mixed bag of reactions. Some people look concerned for the girls’ well-being and some look at me like I am crazy. Some people say “good,” while others feel the need to say something like, “Well, I am sure they will be ok.”
It certainly wasn’t a decision that my husband and I took lightly. We spoke to fellow twin parents, friends who are teachers, and even friends who are twins. Opinions varied here too. So as with many other parenting decisions, there was no obvious right choice, at first. It took a lot of thought, prayer, and conversations to reach a decision.
If you are a twin parent who will be facing this decision, I am here to offer my perspective. I am in no way saying there is a right and wrong answer. Like I said, there are sooooo many opinions when it comes to this topic. Every child is different, every school is different, and every family is different. But I will share the points my husband and I considered in our decision process in hopes that it might help you out too.
First, we wanted our girls’ teachers and classmates to get to know each of them as individuals. My girls get mistaken for each other all the time (even though they aren’t identical). I didn’t want them to have to deal with this all day long or for people to treat them like they are one person. Also, to constantly be referred to as “the twins” instead of by name would get old. They each have their own fun and unique personality that I want to shine through.
Another reason we chose separate classes is we didn’t want them to constantly be compared to each other. Twins already are forced to fight the stigma that only one of them can be the smart twin or the artistic twin or the athletic twin, etc. I foresaw an unhealthy level of competition if they were always in the same class, doing the same work, and noticing who learned a certain skill first. Separate classes give them a space to learn at their own pace without the sibling rivalry coming into play.
We also know that they need to learn how to be without each other. The tough and sad truth is they won’t always be able to be together. I love how much they love each other and look out for each other, but I also want them to gain some independence. I’m not going to lie; telling them they would be in different classes broke my heart. They have always been together and know nothing else, but I love hearing how they have made new friends and how they have tried new things on their own.
Furthermore, it doesn’t diminish their bond. They are so happy to see each other after school. I love listening to them in the backseat catching each other up on the events of the day. Plus, we are very lucky in the fact that they get to be at recess at the same time. They meet up and get to play together. They play with other kids too and are getting to make twice as many friends as they introduce each other to kids from each of their own classes.
We are close to a month into school, and I still feel like we made the right choice. I guess only time will tell for sure. Remember that you know your twins best and whatever you decide will be in their best interest. As with any parenting decision, you will have people who will disagree with your choice no matter what you choose to do.
Decide and be at peace with your decision knowing that no one knows what your children need better than you do.
