The older my kids get, the more I realize that motherhood is really just a series of stages that we are thrown into with no warning and zero preparation. With each new stage, we scramble to figure things out, we learn and we grow, and we get in a groove. And just when we feel like we kinda sorta know what we’re doing, that stage is already behind us and we’re thrown into the next strange unknown territory where we have to start the learning process all over again. I imagine this just continues, forever, until the kids leave the house, start families of their own, or who knows, maybe it continues even then. Some of you moms with grown kids will have to enlighten me.
I am just now, unexpectedly finding myself at the end of the baby stage – the stage from birth to five that is all consuming. That first stage of motherhood that you are thrust into the day your baby is born, in which the tiny little humans require everything you have to give.
This transition fills my heart with equal parts excitement and heartache.
These years have been hard. They’ve been exhausting. They’ve been foggy, sluggish, and have required me to reduce my priorities to keeping these children alive. But they have also been the sweetest years of my life. I have willingly embraced this stage because being a mother was all I ever really wanted to be. I’ve loved every minute of their sweet hugs and kisses, their cute little voices, their angelic faces, and their chubby little hands. Being the center of their world has brought me more fulfillment than I ever thought possible. Watching them grow and develop into tiny little humans has been so amazing.
And even though I knew the baby/little kid stage wouldn’t last forever, I somehow still did not see this transition coming. I was so busy tending to the immediate needs of my kiddos that it never occurred to me it would ever end. It’s only now that I’ve crossed the threshold that I can look back and recognize that there were clues. Over the past few months since my daughter turned five, I have noticed a shift into the next stage, the big kid stage. My nine-year-old wants to do manly stuff with Dad now, instead of cuddle and chat with Mom. My five-year-old can get herself ready for school, do her own chores, pick her own activities, play outside with friends. And while they are still little, and there is seemingly endless stuff to do around the house and constant activities to take them to and from, it’s different now. It’s not so much that I have to be around to keep them alive, but now I tend to be more of an orchestrator of their lives. I coordinate activities. I cook them healthy meals. I make sure they’re getting good opportunities, plan their summer camps, schedule their swimming lessons, their sports activities, their playdates. It’s not as much hands-on caregiving now as it is project management. Boundaries, priorities, discipline, consistency, accountability, organization. Those are the things that I am feeling are becoming themes of parenthood now. Raising good humans is hard. Parenting big kids takes an entirely different skillset than what I had to develop over the baby years.
But I am up for the challenge. Just because it’s new territory doesn’t mean my husband and I can’t figure it out together and eventually thrive at it.
What stage of motherhood are you in? Do you see a transition on the horizon soon?
