Women are superheroes, aren’t we? We may not be able to fly or make ourselves invisible or stop a train in its tracks (pun intended), but boy do we know how to listen to the crazy voices inside our heads. If we’re lucky, we find a man who will also listen to the crazy voices inside our heads, when we vocalize them. (They still can’t read our minds, ladies).
When my husband and I were dating, engaged and newly married I always felt we were the same person just in different gendered bodies. We seemed so similar, had the same sense of humor, held the same values, came from similar backgrounds and agreed on just about everything. I remember thinking he’s not like all the other guys. He probably thought she’s not like all the other girls. My assumption is this is how most people think of their partner before getting married and that’s why they choose each other.
As time has progressed the differences have become more apparent.
One of them is that he is indeed like many other men in regards to leading from his head, whereas I am like many other women in regards to leading from my heart, or gut, if you will. This works well for us because he’s logical and the most resourceful person I know. He’s like MacGyver, the 1980’s version. When I’m blankly staring at the tiniest of problems, he instantly knows how to fix it. I, on the other hand, am able to deter major life decisions purely based on a feeling, which has always worked in our favor. There have been very few moments in my life when my gut spoke SO loudly to me that I couldn’t ignore it. And luckily I have a husband who trusts my instincts.
One of these times was the night I met my now husband during college. We went to different schools but were both in our hometown for Thanksgiving break. I wouldn’t call it love at first sight, but several hours later as the social event came to an end I vividly remember thinking: I’m going to marry one of three guys — my current boyfriend, my high school best friend or this random guy I just met tonight. The first two made sense and I thought it was so odd that this third person had added himself to my mental list. When he walked out the door the only contact info I had on him was his name. No phone number, no email, no home address — this was before social media. So what did I do? I Googled him for a couple days with the much more limited amount of info Google had 18 years ago until I found his college email address. Ten months later we went on our first date. Four years later we were married with a dog. Thank you, voices.
In 2015, I became pregnant with our second and last child. We had ultimately agreed on two and I was so happy this would be the last time I had to be pregnant because I am not the type who enjoys pregnancy. (High fives to you women who love it.) Fast forward nine months to the moment my second child popped out and I immediately knew this wasn’t the end of my childbearing days. This was the loudest I’ve ever heard my inner voice: Someone is missing. There will be one more. And the next year there was. More about that in my November post! Thank you, voices.
When we moved from Birmingham to Knoxville in 2018 we chose to start in an apartment so we could take our time finding the perfect house for us. We didn’t want to settle or feel rushed in the process. We were both super excited about the first house we had a contract on, but we reluctantly chose to back out due to a bad inspection. The next house we had a contract on was in perfect condition and my husband was over the moon about it, but the second we put an offer on it, I knew it was the wrong decision. It checked so many of our boxes, but I couldn’t tune out the voice: This is the wrong house for us. Knowing it would have a flying colors inspection I prayed the appraisal would come back super low as this would be the only way to get out of it without losing our deposit, all the while feeling guilty knowing my husband wouldn’t be getting a house that made him so happy and excited. Somehow, the stars aligned for me and the appraisal came back really low. A few weeks later we found our current house and we could not be happier with our experience, awesome neighbors, schools and the house itself. I even discovered I had family living across the street. It truly feels like we are meant to be here and we plan to raise our kids in this house until they’re grown. Thank you, voices.
Women are sometimes mocked because we lean into decisions based on our hearts instead of our heads, but the heart and gut make good decisions too. I could have married that other college boyfriend, but it probably would not have worked out. I could have buried my feelings about a third child, but I would have felt something was missing the rest of my life. We could have paid a bunch of money out of pocket for that maintenance-free house, but I’m sure we wouldn’t have the fulfilled life we feel in this house.
