My husband and I decided over the summer that we would start going to church again.
We both grew up in church. He went on Sunday mornings. For me, church was the center of my family. Everything was planned and scheduled around it. We were there twice on Sunday and every Wednesday night, and any time a revival was in town. If another extra-curricular activity interfered with church, it was a no-go. I grew up through children’s church, and as I got older, the church youth group was a huge part of my life.
But when I went off to college and no longer had to go to church, I chose not to go. To be honest, while I’ve gone from time to time, I haven’t really attended church regularly since then. I can’t explain why, I guess I just needed time to learn who I was outside of that environment.
But eventually, I started feeling the urge to go back to church.
My own kids are getting older and I want them to have a faith base as they grow up. I want them to know and feel God’s love in their lives, and be in a community of faith with people who love them and Jesus. I want to have that for myself and my husband too; I want to be part of something bigger than myself and nurture my spiritual health. My husband felt the same, so we began the very large and important process of finding the right church for us.
This was actually a much bigger task than I anticipated, and took us several months of searching and praying. We have finally found a place that feels right, but the search was complex and at times overwhelming. In looking back over this process, I realized that a lot of people may be undertaking this same journey, or at least considering it. Maybe you are new to Knoxville, or you have just started a family and want to find a church home for your kids to grow up in, or like me, you are feeling like something is missing in your life, and you’re feeling a need for community, faith, and love that you hope can be found by going to church.
So I wanted to share some of the primary things we considered as we searched, in hopes that maybe they can guide you in your search as well:
1. Make sure the church’s faith and beliefs align with yours.
You want to make sure you find a place that believes the same as you. Most churches have this information front and center on their websites. This is especially important if you are looking for non-denominational congregations, or something outside of the established denominations like Baptist, Methodist, Church of God, etc.
2. Figure out which type of worship you want to participate in.
There are unlimited ways to worship. What we found in our search was that most places are more contemporary these days. A choir and organist have been replaced with a worship team including a band. I am ok with this, but a part of me also craves the tradition of a beautiful instrumental piece, followed by a few songs from the hymnal. If you haven’t experienced both, I highly recommend you do, just to make sure you know what you want.
And of course the preacher is important in the decision. It was important to me that the message filled me and my husband up, and inspired and uplifted us each Sunday as we faced the week ahead. We visited several places with women pastors, which I loved, even though I was not accustomed to this growing up. We found some preachers are more like story tellers, while others get fired up and ignite passion in the congregation.
3. Make sure you find a good fit for the whole family.
This was key for us. It took a while to find a place that filled my husband and me up, and also had a robust kids’ ministry for our children. To be honest, I was willing to compromise my own preference to ensure the kids loved it. But beware: kids sometimes latch onto silly things that don’t necessarily reflect the quality of the children’s ministry. For example, my eight-year-old begged to go back to one church due to the simple fact that they had a gum ball machine in the lobby. And he raved about another because they gave him popcorn before the service. It is probably best to have a conversation with the children’s ministry folks to get a real feel for their program.
It is also important to look at what ministries the church has outside of Sunday morning worship. For me, going to this effort to find the right church meant we were going all in, and we want to be involved, so we had to make sure they had opportunities for my husband to get involved with a men’s ministry, a women’s group for me, and activities for the kids. And beyond all this, make sure it’s a place your family can grow into. My kids are little now, but soon enough they’ll be teenagers, and I want to make sure there will be opportunities for them during that stage too. And my husband and I will be empty nester senior citizens one of these days. Will we still fit in then? If you’re in it for the long haul, then all those things need to be considered.
4. Consider where you want your church to be in relation to your home.
This was a huge driver for us. I don’t want to drive more than 10 minutes to church. Not because I’m lazy or a snob, but because it was imperative that our church feels like a part of our community. I wanted to be somewhere that folks from our neighborhood and school would also be. For some people, this may not be important. And it could very well be worth a ½ hour or longer drive for the right fit. But you need to at least think through your priorities around this.
5. Make sure the church’s level of community involvement aligns with your own personal values.
Community involvement was a big factor for us. We want to belong to a church that does good work in their community. We want to volunteer for community outreach activities. I thought this might be difficult to determine, but with most churches it was immediately evident if this was a priority for them.
These are some of the things we were evaluating as we searched for a church home. Asking these questions and comparing the various churches we visited against these things helped us get clarity on what we were really looking for. You may have other criteria that you’d add to the list that are important to you as well. And while I’m all for a good spreadsheet, and I believe it’s important to find a place that checks your boxes, I want to leave you with one piece of advice:
Leave room for magic.
It’s good and wise to use a checklist as a tool to help you navigate this important decision. But there is also something that can happen that defies logic, does not align with your checklist, and leaves you baffled – yet certain – of where you belong. You may have a feeling about a place that does not fit your criteria exactly, but has that special something that defines exactly what you’re looking for. Maybe it’s a feeling you get when you’re there. Of a feeling that lingers after you’ve gone. Maybe one aspect of a place is so spectacular that it outweighs other things that don’t necessarily check a box on your list. Be open to that. At least be willing to explore it, because it might just lead you exactly where you’re supposed to go.
