Let’s face it: a parents’ date night almost seems like a ridiculous or impossible idea. Finding time to go out on a date with your spouse or partner looks very different after having kids, and that’s if you even get the opportunity. It is hard to find the time, the motivation and the child care. But with all the work that goes into the planning, the outcome can be great.
So why is dating after kids important?
You hear these words of wisdom — or something similar — from couples that have been together for what seems like forever: “Date now because when the kids leave, it will just be the two of you and you don’t want to be living with a stranger.” Dating your spouse also has a benefit for your children as they see their parents together. It can help reduce stress and add a little more comfort to your child’s life. I actually notice a happier little boy when my husband and I take time to get ourselves.
Let me get personal for a second. Through all the stresses of raising a child with a disability, the relationship my husband and I had started to take a back seat. We began to drift a little and go about our lives in different directions. It wasn’t until we make a conscious effort to spend time together that we were able to come together. It was amazing to see how much easier life got when we worked as a team.
So what to do?
Between school pick up and drop off, meetings, activities, and raising children, it truly is hard to squeeze in any adult time. Let me offer some unsolicited, unprofessional advice: Combine some of the not fun adult things with the fun of a date night. Our last date night consisted of a trip to the gym, a stop by Staples to pick up a couple things, and then to dinner. This has multiple benefits: it makes boring and mundane things a little more fun, because now you have someone to join you, and it can take away a bit of the guilt you may feel for stepping away from responsibilities to take time for the two of you.
Some combo date night suggestions I recommend are:
- Dinner and grocery shopping
- An at-home movie night and folding some laundry
- A movie and school supply shopping
- Making cupcakes for your child’s school
Do you get the idea? Obviously these are just fun little suggestions to show that date nights can be made out of the tasks we already have to do while having a little bit of fun doing them together.
Well, what about the kids?
We are fortunate to have family close by. My mother-in-law likes to take a little time each week to spend time with our son. We take this small window of time to have a date night. It benefits us and our relationship, and it allows my mother-in-law to have some uninterrupted Grandma-Grandson bonding time.
I know this is not a possibility for everyone (there are many times my mother-in-law is not available either), so what do you do? Don’t yell at me for saying this, but bring your child with you! Find an activity that is fun and can include everyone. I know it seems like a lot of work and a lot of stress. In complete transparency, doing my son’s Yes Day was some of the most fun my husband and I had in a while and we did it as a family. There are so many fun family-friendly activities to do locally, so finding something to fit your family’s interests should be a cinch. 
I know it may seem like a lot of work, but I can almost guarantee that taking the time to date (even if that has to include kids) will be well worth it in the end. Happy dating!
