It is the most wonderful time of the year, right?
MEH.
Holidays weren’t ever a big thing in my family. My grandparents don’t celebrate any holidays due to religious preferences. My mom is far away. My dad is far away. The only people I had for the holidays were Belle’s father and his family, or my best friend in Tampa when I lived down there.
Now, this time of year is extremely lonely.
It’s only my little girl and me here.
My dad is six hours away.
My mother is ten hours away.
My best friend is 13 hours away.
I see everyone making plans with their family and talking about how excited they are, meanwhile, I’m sitting on my couch, staring at my non-decorated home, wondering what I’m going to do to create traditions for my daughter and myself. How can I make it a fun time for her and make it to where she doesn’t even WORRY about it being just us?
How do I actually MAKE this the most wonderful time of the year?
Reshift the mind. Take control.
My Knoxville Moms are my tribe and we put together a Friendsgiving! Several of the moms invited me over for dinner, and then one of my team members at work heard of me being alone on Thanksgiving and his family invited me over. It’s not about family being far away. While it hurts, and it’s lonely, I’ve learned to look at my tribe. It’s okay to admit to them that you’re alone, and it’s okay to ask if you can come over, but honestly, your tribe will beat ya to the punch and invite you before you can even ask. That’s what my peeps did!
Christmas is a different story.
Eating dinner together for Thanksgiving is awesome and easy to do. But what do you do when a holiday is all about waking up together and opening presents? I would feel so awkward being at another person’s home while their kids open presents or mine did. I’d feel like I was intruding on a private intimate family moment. I cannot tell you how important it is to me that I make magical traditions for my daughter.
So, I’ve put together a list for those who don’t have family around like me, so that we can focus on the important things and not let the loneliness get us down!
1. Decide when you’re going to put up your tree.
Pick a date and DO IT. November 1st? Day after Thanksgiving? December 1st? Do you and do it big. Make it a big deal. Set aside time for it. Play Christmas music, make hot cocoa and just get it done.
Elf on the shelf.
I’ve decided that I’m going ALL OUT for the elf on the shelf this year. She’s coming out the day after Thanksgiving and I’m creating some flipping MAGIC this year. Sure it’s annoying finding things to do, but come on. It’s worth it to see a young child’s face light up, and if you’re lonely, it gives you something to do, and look forward to.
3. There is nothing wrong with going to a restaurant on Christmas Day.
Look, let’s be real. Yes, it stinks that people have to work on holidays. It truly does. But most of the time, the people working are those that need the money OR they don’t have family so they choose to work. When I was a server and didn’t have family around, I always chose the holidays to work so that I could be around other families.
Of course, tip your servers. Be kind to them. Ask them about their lives and INCLUDE THEM in your little tradition. Tell them you’re happy to have met them and appreciate them being there that day. Maybe even bring a little card, or small gift for them (gift card to Starbucks or whatever). It’s the small things that count and will make their day. And be patient.
Learn to appreciate the moments for what they are.
Yes, it’s lonely during the holidays without family. It truly is. But, it’s only lonely if you let it be. If you choose happiness and reach out to others, you can make it a joyous time. It took me a while to learn this and I’m glad that I’ve chosen to just make it something.
Kids react based on your emotions and reactions.
If you treat the holidays without family as something special for you and your family, then the children will feel the same way too. They feed off of our emotions.
I hope this has helped or at least has given a different perspective. I won’t pretend to be a happy go-lucky person that has it all figured out. I’ve always promised authenticity and realness. It’s my first year trying out these tips y’all. So let’s see how it goes!
I’m always here for you. And I almost always bring coffee and biscuits.
