Over the years, both as a mom of three and a teacher, I’ve had the chance to work with children at nearly every stage, from pre-K and kindergarten through elementary school and now high school freshmen. That experience has shaped how I see childhood development and the skills that REALLY make a difference over time.
And one of the most overlooked skills I’ve seen, again and again is public speaking.
Why is it important?
Many people don’t fully understand the power of public speaking. I’ve always been a social person, and I’ve never minded speaking up even in rooms where no one else wants to. I’m usually the one who breaks the silence in meetings or speaks on behalf of the group when others hesitate. Over the years, coworkers have joked that I’m “good at blabbing” or “good at BS-ing,” but what they really mean is this: I know how to articulate my thoughts clearly, and I’m comfortable doing it out loud.
That’s a hard skill, one that can carry you far in life. I see it in my own home every day. My daughter loves public speaking, and now my nonverbal son has a built-in advocate in his life. That’s the real value of this skill. Public speaking isn’t just about giving speeches. It’s about advocating for yourself and others, communicating ideas clearly, and presenting yourself with confidence in everyday situations.
At the elementary level, public speaking is simple.
Don’t overthink it. It might look like speaking up when someone is being unkind to a friend, answering a teacher’s question, or asking for help when they need it. These small moments are where kids begin to find their voice.
Building those skills at this age doesn’t require anything formal. It can look like letting your child order their own food, or encouraging simple conversations in everyday settings. Something as small as saying “How are you?” to someone in line and waiting for a response helps build confidence. If they freeze, that’s okay. Gently encourage them, but don’t step in to rescue. Talk about nerves and normalize them. At this age, it’s less about performance and more about giving them regular, safe opportunities to use their voice.
Middle school is a different story.
Confidence can dip, and kids become much more aware of how they’re perceived. They’re also consuming more content than ever, constantly taking in other people’s thoughts without always having to express their own. At the same time, they’re trying to figure out who they are and how they fit into the world. But parents: this is where your role shifts. Give them space to express opinions without immediately correcting or dismissing them. Encourage respectful disagreement and ask them to explain their thinking. Look for low-pressure ways to practice speaking, like small group settings or practicing presentations at home.
This age is so awkward. Normalize awkwardness. Everyone is awkward. Point it out and discuss it in a normal, matter-of-fact way. Help them understand that nervous habits like swaying, fidgeting, or filler words are common and manageable. Awareness helps. One simple way I practice this with my daughter is by setting a timer and giving her a prompt, like, “Tell me something funny that happened at school today.” Her goal is to speak for one full minute without using the filler words “like.” We usually end up laughing, but it forces her to slow down, think, and be intentional with her words. At this age, confidence and self-esteem are fragile. The goal isn’t perfection. It’s helping them feel safe enough to keep trying.
By high school, most students fall into one of two categories: they either avoid speaking whenever possible, or they’ll speak up, but only in situations where they feel comfortable.
This is where the skill really starts to matter. High school is practice for adulthood, and students will need to speak up for themselves in really uncomfortable or unfamiliar situations. At this stage, public speaking doesn’t have to mean standing at a podium. It looks like emailing a teacher to advocate for themselves, asking thoughtful questions, participating in discussions, and communicating clearly in real-world situations.
Building these skills in teenagers means giving them ownership. Let them handle their own communication, even if it’s not perfect. Practice job interviews at home. Give feedback on clarity, not just confidence. Talk through nerves instead of trying to eliminate them. Help them organize their thoughts before they speak. Most importantly, resist the urge to step in and speak for them. Remind them that HOW they say something matters just as much as WHAT they say. At this stage, it’s about preparing them to speak for themselves in rooms where you won’t be.
As a mom and a teacher, my kids AND students are always asking, “Will I actually use this in real life?” And that’s a valid question. Kids want to know that what they’re learning matters. The truth is, once high school is over, the skills that matter most don’t come with grades attached. You won’t earn points for showing up on time, but it matters. You won’t raise your hand to ask to leave a meeting, but you’re expected to read the room. Real life isn’t about tests and assignments. It’s about skills like speaking up for yourself, asking questions, being coachable, and communicating clearly.
