The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly: Beach Vacation Edition


The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly: Beach Vacation Edition Do you ever wish you could get into someone’s head and see exactly what they were thinking? I know I have a time or two. Well, good news! You can forget stalking a celebrity’s Insta and forget reality tv, because I happened to keep notes of the wild, the weird, and the wonderful that occurred on my beach vacation last week.

To set the scene, this was a trip to South Carolina with my husband, me, and our three-year-old son. To give you some additional insight, my son is pretty stubborn. I knew going into this trip that it was going to be a lot of fun — not relaxing, but fun.

Here are the highlights:

  • About 20 minutes into our trip, as our son cried the whole way through the McDonald’s drive-through because he didn’t want to stop for breakfast: “If I could come up with a divider window for family vehicles like the ones they have in limousines, I think I could become a millionaire. And have a little peace and quiet in the car.”
  • At our favorite seafood place (that we always visit), we were so excited for our food-loving three-year-old to try some seafood. But he turned his nose up at the fantastic ($18!) lobster macaroni and cheese and said he wanted lettuce…that’s right folks, he wanted the lettuce that was under my dish. He literally sat there and ate a giant piece of lettuce.
  • A similar event occurred the next night after dinner. Our son didn’t touch the buttered noodles and shrimp kids’ meal, so later that night, when he was hungry, he happily feasted on chips from our trip snack bag. We were stunned; this kid always eats everything at home!

  • Our son is pretty well potty-trained which was so great for this trip, but at one point he pooped in the hotel bathroom and when I went in to wipe him, he had already wiped himself with…drumroll please…my clean underwear AND the white hotel hand towel. Why, I ask you?? Why?? No reason. Three-year-olds almost never have a reason when it comes to weird potty stuff.
  • On the note of underwear, I should confess that I remembered to pack everything else for everyone, but I forgot to pack myself a single pair of underwear. That’s right; we had to make an emergency Target trip on the first day of our vacation for underwear, and then my child wiped his hind end with a brand new pair.
  • At one point on the beach, my three-year-old announced he needed to go back to the room to pee. Go in the ocean, I told him. But no, he insisted it needed to be on the potty, so we grabbed our stuff and started following him back to the hotel. At that point, he changed his mind, as toddlers are wont to do, and tried to run back to pee in the sea. I told him it was too late and we were already going in, at which point he sat down in the sand and screamed that he wanted to pee in the ocean. With the entire beachfront watching, my husband carried all the bags and I had the pleasure of football-carrying a kid half my size, crying about peeing, back to the hotel room. It was great.
  • One of the days was overcast, so we went to the South Carolina Aquarium, which was great. My son really enjoyed it, which was good since tickets for all of us were about $80. As we were leaving, I asked him what his favorite thing was. His answer? “The moving stairs!” AKA, the escalator. So I guess for our next vacation we’ll just go to the mall?
  • My personal highlight at the aquarium was when we went to the bathroom before we left. The large stall was occupied, by none other than a fellow mother, who was giving her two kids a really excellent lecture in the bathroom. I made sure to stay quiet and let my own child soak some of it in. In fact, I could feel all the moms in the bathroom agreeing with every word this mom was saying. If we had been able to see each other I might have been able to give her a sign of solidarity or at least whisper that I had just given a similar talk on behavior in the aquarium elevator. Super Moms, unite!!

At the end of the trip, as wild as it had been, our son said the following as we were leaving our hotel room, “Mom, I can’t feel happy right now. I love the beach. I want to live here.” And that, I think we all can agree with. Nothing can get you right in the feels, for better and worse, like a family vacation.


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