I love having friends over and planning get togethers, but I have to be honest here. I’m not one of those people to whom cooking, cleaning, and looking put-together comes easily.
If you come over and my house is not a total disaster, please know that we spent hours to get to the point of “Sorry, I didn’t have time to clean, but I knew you wouldn’t mind” status. If we haven’t made prior plans, I can guarantee you that some of my kids will not be wearing matching clothes or have combed their hair. We will have plenty of food in the fridge and pantry, but the idea of throwing together a guest-worthy meal will send me searching on my phone for hours to figure out this massive non-problem. That “casual” burger and hot dog tray took way more thought than I should admit.
So now that I have unleashed my insecurities, that surely some of you share, you will understand why this one night has stood out to me for years.
We had really hit it off with this new family we met. All of the kids got along great, and my husband and I really loved talking to the parents. However, we hadn’t extended our relationship beyond the ball field. One day, the mom reached out and invited us to a last-minute cookout at their house. When we arrived, she said: “I just scoured my fridge to see what we had to use up.”
I immediately fell in love.
In that simple gesture, she set the tone that this friendship is going to be real, unpretentious and easy.
We are all messy. We all eat leftovers. We all have kids who could care less about what they are wearing. She opened her home to us and in doing so, opened my eyes to the way I want to be.
This summer, my kids have been asking for more impromptu playdates than ever. Two years ago, this would have immobilized me. But now, I’m leaning into it because aren’t making these connections and memories what life is all about?
This isn’t a fairy tale, and my insecurities, perfectionist tendencies, and over-thinking everything ways have not disappeared. What has mellowed is my need to let that stop me. If you come over and the house isn’t perfect enough for you, or my snacks aren’t color-coordinated, or you don’t like my summer wardrobe of no makeup and a hat, then that’s more your issue than mine.
In letting go, here are just a few things that have stood out to me and helped us to have a welcoming come-as-you-are home:
- We are our own harshest critics. The perfect people, with their perfect everything don’t actually exist. And even if that’s what they portray, they could care less about what your house or get togethers look like. (And if they do, do you really want to be friends with them?)
- Getting the family onboard is key. Our house is a lived-in, loved-in home. However, we all need to pick up after ourselves and stick to our regular cleaning routine in order to keep it a place where we can truly relax, be ourselves, function, and not be totally embarrassed.
- People want to be able to be themselves when they come over.
- Charcuterie (aka putting a bunch of fruits, veggies, cheese, snacks on a cute tray) is magic.
- Always have things ready to grill. Here are some ideas if you’re sick of burgers and hotdogs.
- Focus on the things that truly matter.
- Find your people and cherish them.
