You can read all the books, hear all the advice, talk to all of your mommy friends, but honestly nothing prepares you for the birth of your first child. It is equal parts terrifying, joyous, horrendous, amazing, empowering, shocking, fast, terribly slow, and life changing (literally). The first go around you think you are prepared, and maybe you are, but by the second time you feel like a pro. There are some instances in which all the books and advice in the world can’t take the place of experience.
The second time (or third, fourth, etc.) you are preparing to bring a bundle of joy into the world the ‘mama drama’ is essentially nonexistent, and honestly that’s a relief.
People aren’t bombarding you with advice the second time around. No one seems to care to give their two cents anymore on epidurals, breastfeeding, co-sleeping, and all the other can-be-contentious topics. They think that since you’ve done this once already, you’ve got what works for you – and thank goodness for that.
It isn’t about the fancy stuff after the first baby. (Sorry to all children that aren’t the oldest, but it is true.) You know what products and methods work best for your lifestyle and you don’t have 342 things taking up space that you really don’t need.
You are more aware of what actually happens at the hospital and during the process of childbirth. This can be a huge reducer of fears, or maybe it can exacerbate some that are well founded in your previous experiences. Either way, you have learned to trust the process and to trust that your doctors and nurses are there to fight for you.
You have learned what your body is capable of. I mean, once you have your second baby you have spent roughly 80 weeks completely growing tiny humans from scratch – which is no small feat! You know your body’s limits the second time you decide to run this race. You are more prepared for the aftermath of giving birth as well, like what your limits are and what things you need help with and how you truly do need to rest instead of trying to keep a clean house for visitors. No one cares if your house is clean or if you look like a troll and you know now that you really don’t care what you or your house looks like either. Sleep when the baby sleeps becomes a pretty solid guilt-free life motto for a few months.
You trust yourself more after your first baby. You know that mother instincts really are a thing. Your first baby turned your world completely upside down, pushed you past all of your known limits, made you question every thought you ever had and more than likely question your role as a mom. More than once.
You know this second time around that you ARE capable and that you ARE a good mama.
You have a sense of confidence in your abilities and you don’t rely nearly as much on Google. This is a good thing. The internet can be scary at 2am when you’re searching ‘why wont my baby sleep’ and ‘is a baby supposed to cry this much.’
This second time around, you are beyond excited to see your first baby become a big sibling. You wonder if your heart can split again, but deep down you know it can. You sort through all the hand-me-downs, you reminisce on your first and the process that got you to where you are now, and you daydream about the new baby you are about to bring home and into your family.
The second time mama drama is almost nonexistent, and for me that has been a much-needed relief. Honestly, I can say being pregnant the second time has been more enjoyable because I am not constantly racking my brain with ‘what if?’ or being bombarded with advice from all angles. I know bringing home baby number two will be a much simpler process, and I am very much looking forward to it.
If you are wondering about adding to your family, try not to worry. Everything happens in due time and the process will be familiar and inviting instead of slightly terrifying. Take all advice with a grain of salt, trust yourself and trust the process, know you are capable and don’t sweat the small stuff.
