As a new mom, one of my daily goals was to spend 15 minutes each day on the floor playing with my baby. I was able to put away daily demands and enter my kids’ world as a partner. When kids get older, it is easy to leave that playful spirit behind. Academic pressures, social dynamics, and the flurry of extracurricular activities often push play into the margins of daily life.
Studies show that there are untold benefits found during playtime and they do not end at adolescence. Keep the joy and fun alive in your home even as you navigate the winding road of middle and high school. By being the safe place to let down any pretense, we build connections and have more influence during a season when it is naturally dwindling away. By providing space to be carefree, you are creating the very thing that enables your kids to retain joy and creativity. You also extend your influence as you help to instill priorities and lessons in your emerging teen.
When life becomes complicated, it gets more important to be in the moment and enjoy time together. The demands of adolescence create pressures and stress, so you get to be the release valve that nurtures the spirit of your child through a challenging season. We can ensure they have a spark of pleasure that makes life fulfilling and become a resource as they navigate growing up into greater responsibilities.
Here are some suggestions on how you can nurture playfulness with your teen:
Lighten up! Our teen begins to tune me out when all they hear are corrections and instructions. Embrace their interests and activate the bonding that happens when you both relax and share experiences. Mutual participation will create memories and touch points for the future.
Make room for joy. Incorporate playfulness into their academic pursuits by using study games or visiting museums and historical sites. Create DIY science experiments and make learning memorable. Let your child be wrong and learn to process failure in a way that builds resilience. Be your child’s advocate and partner.
Encourage social play. Since peer relationships become increasingly important, facilitate group activities with their friends. If you begin in younger adolescence to organize friendship activities, as your teen matures, they will continue to recreate those experiences when the responsibility transfers to self. For example, we made several group hikes during the middle school years and later these teens continued doing so without their parents. Youth groups and clubs often provide loose structures for “playtime” through this season of life.
Create a playful environment. Keep a shelf of games accessible and have art supplies handy. Let your sons and daughters try new recipes in the kitchen. Create cozy spaces for relaxation and reading. Our patio and fire pit are spaces that get regular use as spaces to just be, as well as gathering spots for friends. Play can become a seamless part of everyday rhythms in your home.
Play looks different in the teen years. It might include team sports or a membership at a gym. Sometimes it will be a board game, other times a video game. Creativity may include artwork or videography. Sometimes we pay for play like an Escape Room or Go-Kart night out. Other times, play means “turning off our brain” to stream something and laugh together. A form of role-play happens when our teens experiment with new activities.
Your presence as a personality will shine as they notice your unique and fun ways. We want our children to really know us and what we love. Let the spirit of who you are come through as your connection shifts from what can do for them as a mom to who you are as an interesting person. Incorporate your teens into your hobbies like gardening or bird-watching. Be an example of a grown-up who allows time and space for playfulness in life. There are so many benefits to play that it is worth investing the effort to join them in the practice.
