Mother’s Day. A day with intentions of being sweet, but a day that is so hard for so many. I never had an issue with Mother’s Day; in fact, I never thought twice about Mother’s Day as being anything other than lovely until my first terrible one.
On Sunday, May 5th, 2013 my second child was born. And then, two hours later he died. One week later was Mother’s Day, and it was awful. I wanted so badly to go back to that time a week before when I was holding my son in my arms. Back to a time where I was a mother of two, and they were both here with us.
I put on a brave face for the day. And by a brave face I mean I put on pants, got out of bed, and went to my own mother’s house. I was miserable. Since that first bad Mother’s Day, my eyes have been opened to how many people find the day hard.
There are moms like me who have lost a child. There are women and men, boys and girls, who have lost their mothers. There are people who have mothers who don’t fulfill the meaning of a mother. There are people who are longing to be a mother. There are birth mothers whose babies have been adopted by a family. There are adoptive mothers who feel joy and grief for their child at the same time. There are adoptees who ache to know their biological mother. There are mothers who are estranged from their children and children who ache for their mothers. There are those whose mothers are sick. Mothers who are desperate over their sick children. There are mothers of kids with special needs who every day have to face that life as a mom isn’t how they ever imagined it. There are mothers who have no one in their life to celebrate them, maybe they are the last one living in their family and they are alone. And there are dozens of other groups of people who may find this day just plain hard.
So today, if you’re reading my words and you find Mother’s Day hard, know that you aren’t alone. You aren’t the only one who hates this day. You aren’t the only one looking forward to Monday. Know that there is a whole big group of us out here who won’t mind when Mother’s Day has come and gone.
And if you’re a friend or relative of someone who finds Mother’s Day hard, reach out to them. Let them know that you see them. You see them for who they are, and they aren’t alone. Not on this day, or any other. Be there for them. Don’t be afraid to speak into the hard.
And for all of us, especially in this season of COVID-19, where we are all extra stressed and on edge, may we all remember to be gracious to each other. To spread grace to those around us, as we never know what their life may hold.
I wish you all a lovely Mother’s Day, whether you love it or hate it. And a special solidarity to all those out there who don’t love it.
