The other morning, I found myself doing what I always do. Packing lunches, making sure backpacks were ready, checking folders, reminding kids to grab what they needed. Everything was ready to go.
And then it hit me: I still needed to get myself ready.
My hair still wasn’t done. I hadn’t made my coffee. I was grabbing something quick for breakfast (if anything at all) and hoping I didn’t forget something important on my way out.
I was the last one on my list. Again.
I have a feeling I’m not the only mom who has moments like this. Maybe it didn’t happen on a school morning, like mine, but however it happens, most of us eventually notice the same thing: we spend so much of our time taking care of everyone else and not nearly enough taking care of ourselves. And the funny thing is, we’ve all heard a piece of advice that actually addresses this perfectly. It just usually comes during an airplane safety demonstration.
If you’ve ever flown, you’ve heard the instructions: in the unlikely event of a loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling. Place the mask over your own nose and mouth before assisting others.
The first time I heard that after having children, it seemed backwards. Every instinct in me said I would help my kids first. But now, it feels like some of the most important parenting advice there is.
Most moms I know operate on a very specific system: everyone else first, mom somewhere near the bottom of the list.
Kids? Fed.
Lunches? Packed.
Hair? Brushed.
Permission slip signed that we definitely remembered about five minutes before bedtime the night before? Check.
Mom? Still trying to locate her coffee cup, find matching shoes, and remember if she actually brushed her teeth yet that morning.
We run the entire morning production of “Getting Everyone Out the Door” while somehow forgetting that we’re also supposed to be starring in the show. Somewhere along the way, many of us quietly accepted the idea that being a good mom means putting ourselves last. We take pride in making sure everyone else is taken care of first. It almost feels selfish to do otherwise.
But here’s what I’ve been realizing more and more: starting the day already frazzled doesn’t actually help anyone.
When I start the day already running on empty, I’m not showing up as the best version of myself-for my kids, my family, or my students.
Putting your own oxygen mask on first isn’t selfish. It’s necessary.
Taking care of yourself doesn’t make you a less devoted mom. It helps you become a more present one. And in motherhood, putting on our own oxygen mask first doesn’t have to mean big, elaborate acts of self-care. Sometimes it’s just small shifts in how we approach our days.
Maybe it means getting yourself ready first instead of last.
Drinking your coffee while it’s still hot.
Eating an actual breakfast instead of grabbing a few bites of whatever your kids didn’t finish.
Taking a few quiet minutes before the day begins.
None of these things take away from the kind of mom we are. In fact, they might make us better ones, because when we start the day grounded and taken care of – even in small ways – we have more patience, more energy, and more grace to give to the people who need us most.
The truth is, motherhood asks a lot of us. Our time, our energy, our patience, and often our sleep. But somewhere in the middle of taking care of everyone else, we have to remember that we matter too. We are better moms, partners, friends, and people when we start the day with a little oxygen of our own. Not because we deserve less sacrifice, but because we can’t pour from an empty tank.
