Losing Yourself in Motherhood

I always knew I wanted to be a mother.  I am sure the images and ideas I had about motherhood are the ones you see in the commercials with lullabies playing in the background.

But motherhood isn’t all sunshine and rainbows.  It’s hard, stressful, and at times a job that can make you feel like a failure no matter how hard you try.

But it also can be the most rewarding and heart filling.  There are times when you think it’s impossible to love a being so completely.  That one kiss, one hug, can make a bad day melt away.

However on those days when it’s rough, you can find yourself losing small pieces of yourself.  It’s not something you notice at first.  It kind of chips at you ever so slightly.

After having my second son, I found that I lost part of myself into the throes of motherhood.

I wasn’t making time for myself.  I wasn’t reading books (a past time that I loved), I wasn’t going out with girlfriends,  and I wasn’t investing any time for any hobbies.  What even are my hobbies???  If someone asked me to make a list, I would draw a blank.

I was never someone who was super crafty, creative, or a Pinterest DIYer.  Yes I am learning to sew, yes I scrapbook, and yes I love to take photos.  But I wouldn’t say I was particularly stellar at any of these.

I love being a stay-at-home mom, but the truth is the place where I thrived and felt success was when I was a working professional. It went hand and hand with being good in school and making good grades.  As a mom, you aren’t graded or evaluated.  The go-getter in me missed that, the rush of trying hard and getting to the finish line.

Once my youngest son got a little older, I started to get these pieces back.  I started making more plans with friends and picking back up my love for reading.

I also began my journey of beginning the Knoxville Moms Blog.  In this, I have found some new great friends and the hard work my soul needs.  I love interacting with businesses and moms throughout the community, and I love being able to think outside the box and come up with new ideas.

I’ve found my balance.  I’m not losing myself in motherhood…I’m redefining myself.  I may not be exactly who I used to be, but that’s ok.  I’ve grown and become a better version of myself.  I’m a mother, but also a wife, a friend, a business owner, and an individual.  All of these make up the new me, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.