I love sports. I grew up an athlete, played through college and started my career in collegiate athletics. I believe in what sports teach us about ourselves and how to make our way in the world.
For the first time, I am coaching my daughter’s soccer team this spring. It is fun and rewarding, and I’m learning so much. It is making me wonder about how those lessons spill over into everyday life and prompted me to do a bit of reflection.
Play is energizing.
We all know that as we get older we play less. We get bogged down by adult things – work, bills, studying, parenting – and there seems to be no time to play. I am no expert in playing, but what I do know is that when I am out there with a group of seven-year-old girls and we are running and laughing and working hard, it is so much fun. I think it is the carefree, silly, and energetic spirit that allows my heart to take a really big exhale.
This playfulness has carried over into other interactions with my kids. The other day, my daughter asked me to play hairdresser and be an upbeat, over-the-top character. I would usually discreetly roll my eyes and ask if we could do something else, but this time, I was determined to be the most cheerful hairdresser ever! We both had a blast.
I think when we can let our guard down and stop believing that play is childish, we might find some real joy. If we take a few minutes each day to really dive into play, I think we will find it adds great benefit to not only our well-being, but to the connection with our children.
A vote of confidence goes a long way.
I have a few girls on my team who are quiet and reserved. They occasionally seem overwhelmed or unsure of themselves. I love these girls because I see myself in them. I tell them, “You can do this, I believe in you.” Then, I can see a shred of confidence blossom on their face, in their body stance, in their effort, and in their success.
It is amazing the beliefs children can build within themselves that start with a little boost of confidence from an adult. I want to make sure I boost my own children in this way. Instead of telling my son what he can’t do, what if I told him what he can or needs to do? If I follow that nudge with, “I know you can do this. I believe in you,” I think it could make a big difference.
Celebrate big.
One of my favorite parts of coaching is to celebrate with the girls, not just when they score a goal, but when the brain and body connect and they do a skill we’ve been practicing. Or when they have a big defensive stop. Or when they are communicating well on the field. Or, simply when their effort is excellent. We celebrate the whole journey – the learning, the effort, and the success.
When you are coaching children and running up and down a sideline, big shouts and high fives are completely appropriate. How might we normalize that level of celebration for the learning, the effort, and the success during our kids’ daily lives?
Our society today is always rushing to the next thing. As adults we don’t take the time to pause and celebrate a victory – a promotion at work, a breakthrough in therapy, or an awesome parenting day. Maybe, if we can celebrate our young people during the whole journey, they will be more capable of applauding themselves and knowing how to feel proud.
All kids deserve to be seen.
Coaching this group of gals is such a blessing. They are all so unique and neat. It reminds me that there are a zillion different kinds of people out there, and they all have such beautiful things to offer.
Interacting with kids in this way has helped me remember that all kids – and honestly, all people – deserve to be seen. I mostly only engage with my kids, which provides such a limited scope on the different energies, needs, and strengths of children. When their voices pipe up to tell me a story or I can tell their mood has shifted, I remind myself that this is my opportunity to make sure this child feels seen. They deserve my patience, attention, and presence.
This probably translates to a larger context. Perhaps one of the things our world needs more of is our ability to see each other. To show up and listen and be present. I wonder what the world would look like if we paused long enough to really see one another.
Women can lead in sports.
When I was young, there was no WNBA, the women’s national soccer team was still very new, and sports like softball never appeared on television.
The things that are happening right now in women’s sports are elevating the game. The NCAA Women’s Basketball Final Four drew more viewers than the men’s tournament. Our women soccer stars are fighting for equal pay. Sports like softball, volleyball, lacrosse and more, are accessible on television to expose our young girls to a variety of options. Our girls have amazing role models like Caitlin Clark, Rickea Jackson, Sophia Smith, Kiki Milloy, and so many more.
This all makes it a really rewarding time to coach these young girls. They are able to see women playing sports they love; they are able to see people who look like them doing really exciting things.
I struggled with giving up my career to stay home with my kids because I appreciate the model a working mom gives her daughter. But as a coach, I’m showing my daughter another way to be a leader. I’m showing her another way to follow a passion.
Fun is a priority.
All sports (and life!) seasons have their ups and downs — good and bad practices, great games and games where we are out of sync. I am constantly wondering how to teach the girls everything that they need to learn. I’m curious how to pull the best effort and skills out of them. I spend so much time in my head trying to get things right.
But as I’m planning practice today, I decided to put those thoughts on the back burner. Kids are most open and receptive when fun is the top priority. For today, I’m going to stop worrying and focus on fun. We are going to play games they love – the ones that make them run, laugh, and feel lifted up. I’m going to focus on connecting, being a bit silly, and praising their effort. Of course we will still work and learn, but I’m going to make sure today it is all through the lens of fun.
