It’s Not You, It’s Your Kid


It’s Not You, It’s Your Kid A few years ago, I met this girl who reminded me of one of my best childhood friends. We immediately hit it off and started hanging out. She had two girls the same ages as my girls, so all the stars were aligning for us to be BFFs. We would text funny stories, get dinner regularly and then we decided to plan a playdate.

The first playdate was okay. There were tears from my girls, anger from hers. Their personalities seemed to clash just a bit, but I chalked it up to the girls getting to know each other. And then it all came crashing down. Her oldest daughter was a bully. Pushing and bossing my girls around the entire time. I noticed my oldest wasn’t saying much while we were there and my other daughter chose to play by herself. Her youngest daughter was a straight up B-word to my girls {and me}. The sass was strong with her and when she would say things that made my jaw-drop, her mom just chuckled.


When we got in the car, my oldest told me that she didn’t enjoy playing with my friend’s girls and didn’t want to go back to their house. My youngest daughter has a strong personality and she was even in agreement that she never wanted to play with them again.

How do you navigate that conversation with your new bestie? Do you mention your concerns or do you just avoid all playdates and stick to “mom-only” activities?

I chose the latter. I didn’t want to criticize her parenting nor did I want to call out her children’s behavior. I can’t say I made the right decision because I still have so much anxiety around her. When we do get together, she always mentions getting the girls together so I awkwardly chuckle but never commit.

Over the years, our friendship has fizzled. We rarely talk and even more rarely see each other. I miss our friendship, our funny texts and nights out together. I do think about reaching out quite often, but I just don’t want to hurt her feelings by avoiding more playdates and tiptoeing around the topic.

I promise, it’s not you, it’s your kid.

Have you been in a similar situation? How did you handle it? Let us know in the comments.

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I am a Knoxville transplant from northern grounds, but I can't imagine being anywhere else. My blue blood has strangely become orange and I get chills when I hear Rocky Top. I became all things mom in 2013 and it's crazy to think how much life has changed. I love temper tantrums, watching Toy Story over and over, and making food that doesn't get eaten. Welcome to the Toddler Years. When I'm not doing that, you can find me running, reading, shopping, or taking pictures {check out Adara Photography!}


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