Before you start blindly banging away at your keyboard with a slew of hateful obscenities, just know that I didn’t ask for this. I repeat, I DID NOT ask for this.
It happened a few years ago, when I was working as a front desk person at a hotel. I was minding my own business, checking an older gentleman into his room when it happened.
“When are you due?” he inquired.
“Excuse me?” I responded, mentally panicking, hoping I’d heard him wrong.
“When are you due?” he asked again.
Oh. My. God. This really is happening, I remember thinking. I did a quick mental calculation and blurted out something that sounded like it could be a plausible due date. I lied about being pregnant.
It sounds so stupid I know, but I wasn’t exactly prepared for the first time I would get asked if I was pregnant or in my case, when I was due when I WASN’T PREGNANT! I wanted to save us both from an extremely embarrassing moment, and I thought the chances of seeing this gentleman again were slim to none, so who was I really hurting?
But then the questions kept coming. “Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl?” “Is this your first child?” “Are you excited or nervous?” Even though the entire encounter probably didn’t last longer than 5 minutes, I thought it was never going to end. I was an impostor. I was an impostor whose self-esteem had just been ravaged and I found myself re-evaluating the empire waist dresses I’ve come to love so much.
Nothing can possibly prepare you for the moment that question comes. Nor should anybody ever have to prepare you for when that moment comes because, c’mon people, it’s the 21st century and OBGYNs should be the ONLY people on the planet allowed to ask that question.
Now, let’s fast forward a few years…
I’m at sitting at a desk, at a completely different employer, methodically typing away at my computer, still rocking an empire waist tunic. A regular client comes in, one that I’ve had several interactions with previously, and I walk over to assist her. I’m in the middle of sorting out her dilemma, when it happens.
“When are you due?” she asked. NOT THIS AGAIN!
“Excuse me?” I ask, knowing that she, as a woman, will hopefully have enough time to think quickly on her feet and reevaluate the question that was asked.
“When are you due? You’re pregnant, right?” NO YOU DIDN’T.
I looked directly at her, shaking my head from side to side. This cannot be happening. This cannot be happening.
“You’re not pregnant? Well, this is an insert foot in mouth moment.”
Maybe I shouldn’t have said it, but I did. “No, I’m not pregnant. And typically, I make it a habit to NEVER ask that question to any woman unless she is physically pushing babies out in front of me.”
BAM. There it was. No more holding back… Perhaps I have been repressing that response for the last several years in flashbacks from my first encounter with this question. But no matter the reason, the words just spewed forth.
I was mad. Mad that in this day and age, women are STILL being asked this question. And by women at that!
Take a hint. Simply, DO NOT EVER ASK A WOMAN IF SHE IS PREGNANT, EXPECTING OR WHEN SHE IS DUE. If you do, we are not responsible for the consequences.
Have you ever been faced with the same situation? How did you respond? Share with us in the comments!
I have been asked this before, quite a few times. Sure I know that I carry my weight in my belly but regardless I have never felt that I looked belly big enough for people to ask me. It’s alway such a shock. Good for you for saying something. I usually just say no, I’m not and let them deal with figuring out the uncomfortable silence that follows. I love your graphics!
Now that I am very visibly pregnant people ask me all the time when I’m due. It shocks me a bit every time and then I remember. I still wish they wouldn’t ask bc my brain always thinks – what if something was wrong with the baby and that simple question would break a heart?
So even if it’s uncomfortable not to ask I never ask anyone regardless of how big their bump is, if they are preg until they bring it up.
Yes. Back in the early 90’s when Jerry’s was still Jerry’s on Clinton Highway, a woman asked me when I was due. I was in shock, as was my newly acquired, drunken husband. Defending my honor, he grabbed the woman’s arm and slurred, “Don’t disrespect my wife.” Another man standing near tried to throw a punch while he slurred, “Take your hands off of her!” My girlfriend and I hit the floor and crawled out on our hands and knees as tables turned over and chairs flew through the air. Once the dust settled, I gathered my unharmed husband, placed him in the car and told him to NEVER defend me again. Fast forward 24 years, he hasn’t. Quite a lesson for both of us! *Side note* When we finally did become pregnant, I would announce it to everyone, ya know, just so they didn’t have to ask.
I was one of those people that asked someone when she was due once. I was in college at the health center going in for a women’s check up. I think I was nervous because it was going to be my first pap smear and I just was trying to make small talk. I don’t even know why I asked it though because looking back, she really didn’t even look pregnant. Needless to say the rest of the appointment was awkward and horrible. I felt so so bad and wished I could turn back time. I definitely learned my lesson and will never ever ask someone that question unless she initiates the topic first!
My mom’s boss asked me when I was due at my dad’s funeral. Needless to say, that was a teerible day all around.
That is a mistake you only make once. I worked at Ripley’s in Gatlinburg for a while in my very early 20’s. I told a teenage girl one time, in front of her mother, that it wasn’t recommended for pregnant women to ride the moving theater. I still have nightmares about both of their reactions… I’m sure they still talk badly about me to this day. I’ll never forget it.
Yes! The damn empire waist dresses and tunics that I thought were hip and covering the fact that I have three kids at home. Guess not, apparently just looks like number four is on the way. The worst part is when you thought you looked OK, ugh! Sorry! Why can’t people just keep their mouths shut?!?
A-freaking-men! And even if the woman in question *is* pregnant, she’s under no obligation to indulge your curiosity about her personal life and medical history. If she wants you to know / to talk about it, she’ll bring it up. I’ve been on the opposite end of this, pregnant, but gained so little weight and dressed so frumpy normally anyway that it wasn’t at all obvious. I’m a private sort of person, I couldn’t have dealt with 9 months of people being nosey. I was almost 3rd teimester before we told family, and most of my coworkers didn’t find out until I was actually out on maternity leave. Yep, quite a few people were really confused, but hey! My life, my body, my business!d
Amber, you have the best e-mail addy ever. But in regard to your comment, I totally agree. I wish they would ask “Are you expecting?” instead of “When are you due?” because I could come up with 1,000 smart a** comments for a rebuttal.
I had a certain flowy top I liked to wear on my bloaty days. One day a co worker (to her credit quietly and discreetly) asked if I was pregnant. That evening a man got up to offer me his seat on the subway.
I never wore that shirt again.
Lindsay, you just made me laugh out loud. You can send the shirt to me because apparently I am a glutton for punishment! My shirt in question is one of my favorites because it’s a tunic top with a stretchy band under the bust that I bought at NY&Co. It has been with me through thick and thin and I refuse to discard it on account of it’s maternity-esque resemblance.
Confession – before I was a mom myself I asked another woman this question. It was a friend of a friend at a holiday party. I would have sworn she looked about 6 months pregnant – and it looked like she was wearing a maternity outfit, so I really bought I was safe!! I said “oh, you’re pregnant again!”. And she said, “no I’m not.” This story gets more painful because I was so awkward in this moment that I looked at her and said “yes you are!!!”. What?!? She then repeated that she wasn’t and that I was the 3rd person to ask her this when she had that outfit on (probably time to swap out that outfit). She also went on to explain that her sister had passed away after she had her first baby and she hadn’t been doing well and wasn’t able to lose her baby weight. Daggers to my heart – ughhh. I apologized and quickly moved to a different room of the party and avoided eye contact with her for the rest of the night. I learned my lesson. I will never ever EVER ask a woman that question again!!!
I don’t know. I was in a bible study from months 5-1 week before popping out my second, and no one asked me about my growing belly. In fact, we threw a surprise baby shower for another girl in my group who was due 5 days before me. After the first week of group, I didn’t think much of it…I was wearing a loose sweater. But the next week, I wore the tightest shirt I could find-nothing. I did all the pregnant mama things-touch my belly, waddle, swell, etc etc. And still it became a really bizarre and elephant in the room.
Have I been asked-frequently, whilst wearing baby doll shirts and dresses, if I’m pregnant? Have I been asked whilst carrying one baby, if it was twins? Yes and yes. Have I carried twins and been asked at 24 weeks not to have that baby on the plane? Yes. People will always ask awkward questions. Que sera sera. In my experience, when a group of women completely ignored my pregnancy for 4 months, was I the most hurt.