How to Survive the “Why” Stage

Let me begin by saying I LOVE the toddler stage. I love how much my twin girls are learning and growing and developing their own unique personalities and communication skills. BUT, lately, I often feel like I’m the host of a never-ending episode of Jeopardy. My girls have become masters at responding to every question (or statement) in the form of a question. From the moment they get up until the moment they go to bed, I am hit with a constant stream of whys, whats and hows.

When this stage of curiosity began, I was fully committed to answering every question. I was going to do my very best to be patient and loving and never ever dismiss a question. Well, as the days wore on, I felt my positive attitude waning. Constantly fielding question after question about seemingly EVERYTHING made me feel a little crazy and my patience had worn thin.

I knew if I wanted to survive and be the mom I want to be, I needed a big attitude change and a new outlook.

So, I worked on shifting the way I view the daily interrogations from my toddlers. And while it’s not a perfect fix and some days I am still struggling (especially since we are all stuck at home now), I have found that my change in perspective has made a huge difference.

I remind myself that I do in fact WANT curious children. I want them to want to know “why.” The questions they come up with at only two and a half years of age astound me. I have been asked how food gets to our stomach, why their hair is brown, and why it’s winter outside. Putting the answers into terms they can understand is a challenge, but to me it’s worth it if it means they’re learning. They are like little sponges constantly soaking up new information. They didn’t know where milk came from before they asked or how food gives them energy. Even though it’s hard sometimes, I really do love how intrigued they are about the world around them.

I view the questions as an indicator that I am raising independent-thinking toddlers who one day will grow into independent-thinking adults. To that end, I am trying very hard to eliminate “Because I said so” from my vocabulary. I want them to respect authority while also understanding that position and power do not make a person automatically right. Although, it’s often inconvenient to be asked “why” after I ask my girls to do something, I want them to never be afraid to ask. There may be times I need them to follow my instructions without question, but almost always a little explanation isn’t a big deal. In fact, I find that giving them an explanation as to why I need them to put on shoes or why we need to leave makes them much more compliant and cooperative.

Often, their questions make me stop and examine my own actions. They will ask why I am doing something or why I said something. And, they notice EVERYTHING. Often their sweet “Mommy why do you need to clean out the dishwasher?” quickly makes me rethink my priorities. Why am I choosing housework that can totally wait over playing with them? Is what I am doing really that important?

I know their questions will only become tougher to answer as they grow up. And this worldwide pandemic has certainly brought up a lot of hard questions. I do my best to have the answers, but there are so many things that are beyond my explanation. But, honestly, that’s okay. I don’t need them to think I have all the answers. I just need them to never be afraid to ask. I want them to know that I will never dismiss a question and to trust that I will always do my best to help them find answers. I believe building this trust now will help create a strong parent-child relationship that will carry them into their teen years and beyond.

So, I will keep answering the endless lists of whys and work hard to explain the complexities of the universe to my toddlers. I will also keep praying for patience and thanking God for Google.