You can’t. Find a new dream.
I could end this post right there and it would still rock some people’s worlds. What is it about that title that made you click it to read my magical solution?
Let’s be honest, we want it all. I really do want to make healthy meals and keep a clean house and follow a skincare routine and plan fun dates with my husband and host fun playdates for my kids and go out with friends and make dinner for people who are sick and stick to the budget and stay current with politics and reduce my family’s plastic consumption and do my own research and shop around for the best car insurance and support charities that matter and volunteer my time and hustle a side gig and exercise regularly and get eight hours of sleep and be a good listener for my middle schooler and be patient as I discipline my preschooler and be creative as I homeschool my fourth grader and mentor students at church and take a girls’ trip and call my mom and and and and…
Y’all, that is so ridiculous.
You know it. I know it. I knew it as I was typing it, and I actually cut myself short because it was so ridiculous, but I could have kept going. We all know it is crazy talk to think we can do everything, but we still keep chasing it. We think if we just had ______, or if we could just get rid of _______, or if we just went _______, then everything else would work out. Let me give you a tip, friend: whatever you’re filling in that blank doesn’t matter. Because you can’t do it all and make everyone happy. You just can’t.
My best friend is probably the greatest human on the planet. My condolences to all you other folks falling short of the title, but Carla is simply #1; you can’t argue with facts. Carla is an Air Force veteran, a mom of three, worked full time from home while all her kids were babies and put her husband through school, taught ESL and Sunday School, advocates for issues about which she is passionate, is on the board of directors for a local nonprofit, gives generously of her time, money, and heart, and still manages to be a good friend to me and so many others. This fall she is following her dreams and starting nursing school at age 40. Such an inspiration, yes? She’s killing it, studying like a boss, earning awesome grades, making us all so proud. And do you know what I am constantly saying to her?
You can’t do everything. You have to let some things go. Respect your own boundaries. Give yourself grace.
When Carla doesn’t call me back for days, I’m not mad, because I know she’s busy. When she cancels plans to study, no big deal; this is important. When she can’t make it to the board meeting or bows out of a church commitment, I congratulate her on making a choice, because saying yes to some things requires saying no to something else. Carla can’t do it all.
But turn right around and look at my own life, and I’m beating myself up for failing at everything. I ordered pizza twice this week. I haven’t been to the gym all month. I forgot to set the trash out and missed the pick up. I’m out of clean socks. I didn’t call that friend. I forgot to reply to those messages. I’m up at 1am AGAIN. I yelled at my kids. I’m a mess. A failure. A disappointment.
No. I’m a mom. A human.
I’m an extrovert with room in my heart for everyone, even if there aren’t enough hours in the day. I’m busy, and that’s okay. I can say no when I need to, and I can respect my own boundaries. My friends still love me even when I reply to texts in my head but never hit send. My kids know I love them because I say sorry when I mess up. Our plastic consumption just is what it is for now, but I’ll recycle what I can. And that is enough, because I am enough. I will give myself the same grace I extend to others.
