I come from a long line of stay-at-home moms.
My mom stayed home with my brother and I until we both were in school full-time. Even when I was in morning Kindergarten (back when that was a thing) she was always home when I got off the school bus (back when that was also a thing). My Grandma even more so! She worked until she had babies, and then her work was in the home. Making a home. Raising the kids.
In fact, when we introduced our sweet baby girl to my Grandpa for the first time, I asked him simply, “What advice do you have for us as new parents?” I was expecting something deep and profound. What I got was… well… He looked directly at my husband and said, “I’ve got some advice for you- Let her raise the kids!” I just shook my head. We named our son after that man. God bless the woman that marries him!
My point is, we Ray/Morse/Greene women stay at home. It’s what I’ve always known. It’s what I’ve always wanted. And despite having little room to wiggle financially, it’s what we chose to do.
Until we didn’t.
Until we realized that we needed a little extra money and my crafty hobby wasn’t cutting it.
And that was when I found my teaching “job.” It was perfect. Two days a week. Five hours each. AND my girl could go with me. I could not have found a more perfect fit for our family if I had tried. And for two years it was all I could have ever asked for.
I still called myself a “SAHM,” but I also was able to contribute to our family financially, was able to pour into children, and was able to watch my girl interact and learn with other students and teachers.
But then I got pregnant again. And the big question arose: Do I return to work? Was it worth it? Would it make sense? Money? Pumping? Driving? There were a million factors, but we tentatively decided to try it.
And then came baby.
As usual, those first two months were a blur. A blur of sleepless nights, incessant bouncing, indecipherable crying, and, worst of all, a continuous buildup of things to do at home. With the addition of a newborn I could barely shower, let alone do the dishes, clean the house, fold and put away the laundry. Spending quality time with our three-year-old was a huge challenge, even though all the magazines and blogs told me that I needed to. Time with my husband was nonexistent. And we ate a lot (I mean a LOT) of pizza and grilled cheese sandwiches. Basically, I was buried under a to-do list while all I could do was sit on the couch and hold the baby. Feed the baby. Burp the baby. Cuddle the baby.
Needless to say, as my date to return to work loomed, I began to question my decision to go back. If I could barely keep clean clothes in our drawers, how was I going to fit in a job? So it was with great trepidation that I blindly stepped into the world of working part time with an infant. And…?
It.
Was.
Glorious.
Maybe I’m a horrible mom. Or maybe I’m just more task-oriented than I ever knew. But that first day back, I didn’t miss him a bit. I loved him MORE, actually, as the holding-feeding-burping-cuddling-deciphering was passed out of my hands for five hours. A much-needed respite.
The drive to school with my big girl – getting to sing and chat and laugh without worrying about waking the baby (or talking over a screaming baby) – was time we had missed the past two months.
And then there was the work. This was the part that shocked me. I had no idea how much of a closure person I was. How I desperately needed to finish tasks to be fulfilled in a little part of my heart. But suddenly there I was with free hands and a lesson-plan. Activities that were completed. Crafts that actually got finished, dried, and hung on the wall. Snacks that got eaten. Trash that got put away. And at the end of the day I looked around that clean room, switched off the lights, and left completely satisfied. A feeling I had not felt in weeks.
It was then that I realized I have stay-at-home-mom in my blood, but working-mom in my heart I don’t think I could do either of those full-time. Which makes our situation just about perfect.
No, none of this closure happens at home. The laundry is still there – a vicious cycle. We still have grilled cheese sandwiches for supper… a lot. The dishes pile up every other day. And the baby still does not let me get a thing done.
But for ten hours a week I get away from it all and accomplish something. I feel refreshed. I feel renewed. And I can come home and love my family, my unfinished to-do list, and my life with just a little bit more grace.
I am SO thankful that you shared your thoughts about this! You have no idea how much wisdom you lovingly spoke over me on our lunch date last month. Every mother with young kiddos needs to read this! Love to you!
Well, you inspire me just about every day, so I’m so thankful I could share my experience! So glad it was encouraging!
This is so perfect! I do this to a T: work 10 hours a week but consider myself to be a SAHM. It gives me the break and (so much needed) adult interaction that I didn’t know I would crave so badly. For a while, I was a little ashamed to say that being a SAHM wasn’t the Mecca of all mom-ness that I thought it would be, or that I wasn’t cut out for it. It’s good to know I’m not alone! 🙂
You’re definitely not alone!
I’m a much older mom. okay not dinosauric. but my kids are almost 10 and 11. so i feel guilty staying at home (partially because i’m not very good/a natural at homemaking ;). yes they still have needs, albeit different now. and i LOVE being here for it. but at the same time….feel like i need to have that closure/concise task purpose, learn & grow myself in other brain areas. thankfully my spouse is supportive either way. thanks for this article. I’ve always thought part time hours or less is ideal as a mom!
I always imagined myself being little Susie Homemaker, but the deeper I get into Mom-dom, the more I am realizing that this may not be the case! I’m with you… I want the best of both worlds, but getting out and growing myself in other areas is definitely a need of my heart. Don’t ever feel guilty not staying at home! Each mom has to do what she has to do in order to be the BEST for her kids. The BEST is being who we are. And let’s face it… sometimes that’s not only in the four walls of our crazy homes. 🙂
Thank you for this! I am a new momma and staying at home- wrestling with the guilt of not being as “good” of a SAHM I always dreamed of being- and not enjoying it as much as I thought I would. Not sure what will be next for me, but it’s encouraging to read this tonight!
Good luck on whatever you decide to do! I think as moms we will always feel some kind of guilt. Maybe that’s what pushes us to be better moms! Just remember that the best mom you can be… Is you! Whatever that looks like!
What is it that you do? I’m looking for something just like this. I desperately want more time at home, but don’t think I can do it full-time (financially). Although part-time is tricky with the cost of child care, it’s not always worth it. Working out of the home 40+ hours a week with a new baby is killing me!
I am a teacher at a Mother’s Day Out. Most Mother’s Day Out programs will have some sort of policy for children of teachers, whether they can come free or for a discount. My youngest can’t attend ours until eleven months, so we’re having to arrange childcare for him right now. I don’t make as much as I did before, but it’s only temporary and SO worth it for my sanity! Have you tried having someone come to your house a few hours a week while you work so that your attention is not divided? I read about that the other day and thought it was brilliant!
Love this Jenny!
Thanks Kara! I don’t think I could handle your schedule, but am so inspired by the way you and your husband parent!
It’s funny I think that this is similar to my ideal situation and what I’m working on creating for myself in my life. I’m working full time right now as a recruiter, I’ve been working outside of the home since my son (our 2nd) was born. I am really done with that at this point though. I want to be the person to pick the kids up and to ask how their day was. I still want to work, but I hate having to commute an hour to and from work each day and I really hate having to beg for vacation time. Working now on arranging to work for my husband by the end of the year….I can just imagine the holidays and not having to be chained to a desk 40+ hours a week….it will be so lovely!