Hi, I’m A Human

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Hi, I'm A HumanDear People,

Allow me to introduce myself to you. My given name at birth was Amanda Kathryn. I’ve been called Amanda, Mandy, Kat, Tootie, Mallery, Mals, Mama, Mommy, Mom, and probably several other names I’m blissfully unaware of. I’m a daughter, granddaughter, sister, niece, cousin, wife, mom, neighbor, co-worker, and friend. But I’m also just a human. Although at times I function more like a robot, I’m often swiftly reminded that I am in fact just a human.

Are you a human too? I’m looking to connect with others like me.

Are you unhealthy? I’m unhealthy. I drink entirely too much caffeine in all forms, eat entirely too little most days, and rely on 50mg of Zoloft to help me not spontaneously combust. My skin is dehydrated, my hair has fallen out, and I fall asleep at 8pm most nights. What about you?

Are you overwhelmed? I’m overwhelmed. If I could draw a picture of what my brain has to look like right now it would be one of those huge colorful rubber band balls where you can’t find a beginning or end and you just keep wondering how it started. My attention span is similar to a toddler’s and I have so many things I’ve started and not finished or started only in my mind but not actually ever started in real life. What about you?

Are you disheartened? I’m disheartened. The more I interact with society, the more disheartening it is. I’m disheartened for my children that they will grow up in a world full of unkind people and though they have been taught to always be kind, they too will be disheartened at what they see around them. I’m disheartened by the way I hear parents talk to their children and then have to remind myself when I become disheartened with the behavior of a child, that it’s really just due to the way they’ve been raised. What about you?

Are you frustrated? I’m frustrated. I’m frustrated at myself for feeling ‘discombobulated’ and unorganized. I’m frustrated that I can’t be everything for everyone, but I want to be everything for everyone and then I get frustrated that I’m expected to be everything for everyone. I’m frustrated that I’m forgetful and I forget important things and dates and deadlines and dress up days. I’m frustrated that I forget to respond to emails or texts, and that it probably comes across like I don’t care when that’s not it at all. What about you?

Are you sad? I’m sad. I’m sad that bad things happen to good people. I’m sad that good things happen to bad people. I’m sad that kids get sick, and moms get cancer and dads have to work too much to provide for their families. I’m sad that mental illness has increased, and work ethics have decreased and that my kids think that the families on social media are real and are left to wonder why our family isn’t like that. I’m sad that families are divided and broken when they don’t have to be. What about you?

Are you in the valley? I’m in the valley. I’m tiptoeing through a long and deep valley, and I feel like I’m never going to get out of it. I feel like the mountains on either side of me are huge and I’m looking for a way to climb them but even if I did find a way, I don’t think I could take the first step. Last month, I was on the mountain, and I remember telling myself to think about this time on the mountain so that when the valley comes, I’ll be ready. It came but I wasn’t ready. What about you?

Are you human? I’m human. I feel like the world isn’t made for humans but instead for machines. Machines go through the motions. Machines are self-focused. Machines are inconsiderate. Machines are emotionless. Machines only need to be plugged in to reboot for the next day. I can’t be a machine, but I feel like I’m expected to behave like one. What about you?

Are you with me? I’m with you. Let’s not give in, ok? Let’s be humans. Let’s be who we were born to be. Let’s be healthy. Let’s be happy. Let’s be on the mountain but let’s also help each other in the valley. Let’s take one step at a time, ok?

A fellow human recently reminded me that the way back to the mountain isn’t up the mountain, but rather through the valley. I’m walking…barely…but I am. What about you?

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Hey, Hey! Amanda here. Wife to KJ and proud mom to my 3 boys: Noah (14), Nash (4), and Banks (6 months). I'm a forever Carolina girl that moved to Knoxville in 2003 and have called it home ever since. When I'm not wrangling children or writing for personal therapy, you'll find me stressing about what's for dinner or compulsively moving things around my house (some call that decorating). I could also be found listening to true crime podcasts or sneaking in new Halloween decor because it's my favorite holiday (give me all the spooky vibes). Motherhood is an adventure; let's go on it together! I hear it's easier that way.

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