Do you know all your friends on Facebook? What does your friend list say about you, even digitally?
Recently, I had to ask myself some hard questions about the company I keep digitally, and those answers weren’t always kind. The answers revealed some facets of my personality that didn’t make me proud, but I’m looking at it as an opportunity to make some needed changes.
Scrolling through Facebook, as one does, I came across several friends who had posted some ugly observations of recent events in the news. I was stunned, disgusted, and angry. So very angry. I took to my keyboard like Joan of Arc, ready to vanquish my enemies with my superior righteousness. When the smoke cleared, all that was left was a sense of embarrassment and confusion.
Did I change their minds? Of course not. All I had done was upset and embarrass myself. It got me thinking though.
I’ve always been taught that the company you keep is a reflection of who you are. Your character is either enhanced or tarnished based on your friends, so choose wisely. I think this is even more important in this digital age. The opportunity for connection is limitless, but we need to choose our company wisely. There are too many connections that will drain us, stress us, depress us, and anger us if we let those into our life.
I took a hard look a my friends list and realized I had many friends who I had never met personally; I either knew them through other friends or had met them in groups and had the barest of connection to them. I had friends that I had met very briefly. I had friends I didn’t even care for, but friended them to get a peek into their life. I had friends I truly didn’t like simply because I felt a sense of obligation and curiosity.
I took a long, hard look at why I would have friended (or accepted the request) from people whom I didn’t like.
I didn’t care for what that said about me. I liked to look at their page and feel quietly superior. Good ol’ Martha who was nasty to me in high school? I’m just going to creep your pictures and see how your life turned out. You always made snide comments about my weight, calling me Thunder Thighs, but well, darn, it turns out that having two kids wasn’t kind to your weight. Chase, who I briefly dated in college and then realized he was using me to make his real girlfriend jealous? Well, what a surprise that his wife (the same one he cheated on with me) had cheated on him.
I was left breathless with disgust. About myself.
What was missing in my life and my character that I would only be friends with others (even digitally) just to feel superior? Why did I feel the need to take an interest in friends whom I had never even met? I got delete happy. Delete. Delete. Delete. Bye Felicia.
I dealt with the fact that some friends, who I do see or chat with on a regular basis, just dragged me down on Facebook. We have VASTLY different views on the world and how we fit in as people. I was constantly seeing what articles they liked…and then getting upset when it was dramatically different from what I believe. Would deleting them make me a snowflake? I genuinely liked interacting with these people in our social settings, when I didn’t have an insight into their personal politics and religious beliefs. I don’t tend to talk about politics and get into religious debates with friends. I like to talk about the important stuff. You know, the fact that I discovered I could in fact survive what is affectionately referred to in my house as “Poop-pocalypse.” Seeing what articles they liked, shared, or commented on, only made me think differently about them and it started to change how I interacted with them in the real world.
Since I did like those people and I did like seeing the pictures of their family and adventures — just not all the other fluff — I chose to “mute” them. Did you know you can unfollow someone but still remain friends with them? You won’t see their posts on your feed. When I got curious as to what their toddler had been up to that week, I just typed in their name and focused only on that aspect of her page. Then when we do see each other personally, all I’m thinking about is the fact that her toddler used Vaseline to paint the dining room, not how she feels about formula feeding.
So, I’m in a self imposed Facebook rehab. I cleaned up my friends list and those groups that only served to get my blood pressure up. I Kon Marie’d my entire digital space. Does this person bring me joy? No? Goodbye to you. Does this person serve a purpose in my life? Yes, she’s one of the rare souls who can have a discussion about different opinions without going to the dark side. I read things she posts and gain understanding and insight on how others think. Stick with me friend.
