There I was, sitting alone in my car, mentally running through my usual checklist: Where do I need to be? Who needs a ride? What do I need to remind them about for the week ahead? But then it hit me. I didn’t need to do any of it. In a single moment, it dawned on me: my role as a mom has changed. Probably forever. And I wasn’t sure how to feel about that.
Part of me feels free.
My teen and young adults are independent now. They need me less. But what now? After two decades of living with them as a priority, how do I reorient myself? I know continuing to hover would smother them. They need space. But this shift? It’s difficult.
When they were little, life revolved around their needs. And it felt so good. They were the center of my world, and I was theirs. The love was tangible, reciprocated in hugs and kisses. The running into my arms each day and reaching for me each night was so rewarding. Motherhood felt so full then. But as they’ve grown, that constant affection has faded. They’re pulling away, and my purpose at times feels…blurry.
Where do I fit into their world?
When our child becomes more independent, we find yourself less needed. That endless love you have? It’s not always welcome in the same way anymore. The big feelings, the tough days? You can’t just fix them with a hug. And it stings. Parenting feels less rewarding when your child doesn’t need you as much. Or so it seems.
They’re still your top priority, but you’re no longer theirs. Ouch. That realization can hit like a brick, and the instinct is to cling tighter or back off completely. But neither will help them — or you. No teen wants to be smothered, and no young adult should bear the weight of being their parent’s main source of fulfillment.
We have to learn to let go. Not in a way that feels like abandoning them, but by shifting how we love them. It’s time to embrace who we are beyond “mom.” As they grow more independent, we have the freedom to invest in ourselves again — something we might have forgotten how to do.
And here’s the truth: even as they need you less, you’ll never lose them. This is all part of the dance of parenting: letting go, only to pull back together in new ways. Your teen still wants your respect, your support, your love, even if they don’t always show it. And right when you feel you’ve been pushed aside, you’ll find that connection again. It’s in the shared laughs, the inside jokes, and the memories you’ve built together.
