(Disclaimer: My children are sweet, smart and charming. I love them with all my heart, but the Witching Hour is a very real thing. My children — and chances are yours — are not immune from it.)
I waved my white flag. I threw in the towel. I put my head in my hands as my children ran away from the kitchen table screaming. Kids: 1 Mom: Zero. I texted my husband and told him I officially give up on dinner. Tomorrow night I would put a loaf of bread, peanut butter and grape jelly on the table and let the children fend for themselves. (Did I mention my children are four and two?) Thankfully, it didn’t come to that. My husband talked me off the ledge. But since that dinner I’ve done some serious soul searching to see how dinnertime went so wrong at our house.
It all starts when I attempt to make dinner.
Naturally this is the exact moment when my two-year-old son needs mommy to hold him RIGHT NOW. Even if my husband is home from work at this hour, chances are our mama’s boy would not give him a glance (although that would mean someone else could do the cooking). With a toddler on my hip, I gather ingredients and get out the pots and pans. I always stop short of actually holding him while I cook because I’m too afraid something will go very wrong. That’s when I try to put him down. We all know what happens next. Wailing and clinging to my leg which isn’t much better for cooking. So, I sit on the couch with him, read a book and have a cuddle. On good days, that actually works. Usually there’s more crying unless I put on Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. When none of this works and he’s inconsolable, I put him back in his crib even if he’s already had a nap. I usually feel deflated before I even finish cooking dinner. (I should note I still face all those challenges even though sometimes my “cooking” consists of heating up leftovers in the microwave.)
When we finally sit down at the table, you and I both know my dinnertime struggles aren’t over yet.
My four-year-old will say she’s not going to eat what I’ve put in front of her 99% of the time. Even if it’s some of her favorite dinnertime foods like sweet potatoes and broccoli. She inevitably begs for SpaghettiOs. (She would eat them for breakfast, lunch and dinner if I let her.) There was a time I might cave and give her a bowl of SpaghettiOs; I suspect this is when our dinnertime train jumped the tracks, but I changed my approach several months ago. No “second dinners” until Mommy gets a chance to enjoy her hot dinner. The new year brought a new resolution. No “second dinners” at all. Eat what Mommy put in front of you. No snacks. No treats. No exceptions. This is slightly working except her two-year-old brother doesn’t understand this reasoning. There are more tears and finally a bowl of cereal and milk.
I recently talked with some fellow moms about my dinnertime dilemma. I know I’m not alone. They struggle with dinner and chances are you do too. So, why do I feel so hopeless? Is dinner just as bad at other people’s houses? I’m not so sure. I turned to the internet for tips and tricks, but it turns out I was already doing some of those things including making sure your child likes at least one of the foods you’re serving for dinner. That hasn’t saved me from all the drama. My friends and I even did a recipe swap because our tried-and-true recipes were feeling a little boring. I was hoping to wow my family with something new. We did find some dinner winners, yet my problems persist. I’m holding out hope dinnertime will get easier as my children get older. (Please let me hold onto this tiny shred of hope even though I suspect otherwise.)
I do know with certainty I won’t wax poetic about this particular time. I will not look back on these messy and frustrating dinner hours with longing and joy no matter what other mothers tell me. (This may set me up to eat crow in the future, but I’ll deal with that possibility when and if it comes about.) Right now, I’m in survival mode. Occasionally this means a glass of wine or a Stouffer’s frozen lasagna. I’m totally okay with this if it brings our family a little dinnertime peace.
How do you survive dinnertime? Tell me your secrets!
stay strong and don’t cave. my little ones get 1 fruit/veg packet at lunchtime along with their meal and that contains a days’ worth of nutrition so I don’t feel so bad when they go without eating at suppertime. you are charged with turning them into polite citizens and that means eating what is in front of you. every. time. they will eventually get the message once they get tired of seeing you eat cake in front of them because you ate YOUR dinner.
Thank you for the encouragement! BTW the fruit/veg pouch at lunch is a great idea!