Picture with me for a moment a mother in the baby aisle, frantically rifling through pacifiers, trying to decide which one her colicky baby will love, all the while methodically pushing the stroller back and forth to soothe the baby while its screams pierce through the store walls. Most of us would feel such empathy for this mother, as we all have been in her place with the newness and stress-filled days of early motherhood. Yet some would pass judgement about this mother’s choice of pacifier, what she was wearing, how her baby was not in the proper car seat carrier, and why she should not have her child in a store while screaming. This person would make hateful comments about this new mother’s weight, personality, parenting, lack of sleep, and overall appearance.
What if this person spoke this judgement, aloud, right to this mother’s face?
It happens every. single. day. on the internet.
What was once classically labeled a “mean girl;” the ones on the playground making fun of all the rest of us who had acne and were bowlegged, now these internet “mean moms” are everywhere. Masking it as “free speech” or “voicing my opinion” or “playing the devil’s advocate,” these women seek to break down and destroy, with their words as weapons and their fingers delivering “advice” or “wisdom” as fast as they can type.
Being mean on the internet is nothing new, but seeing as mothers should play for the same team, the constant barrage of mom shaming and guilt is an embarrassment to a generation of women who have access to others across the world to uplift and support at our fingertips, and we burn it all to the ground for the sake of “knowing better.”
But, you don’t know me, moms of the internet. And I don’t know you. Why can’t we just be kind?
I have been writing consistently online and in print for the past seven years, and in that time I have been called lazy, ignorant, pathetic, a terrible mother, and that I should probably be on medication. These mean moms have told me very bluntly that they feel sorry for my children and they would be better suited with someone else.
Each of these gauntlets were thrown by complete and total strangers on the internet, who simply “disagreed” with something I published.
Ladies, we are in a powerful and potentially dangerous internet age. With every comment, like, tweet, regram, we are leaving a digital footprint that shares our heart and character. And one day, when our sons and daughters are old enough to search their mother on the internet, will they discover a language of love and peace, or of hate and discouragement? Will they see their mother smiling and loving on friends at a cookout only to tell another mother two states away on Facebook that they are an “idiot” because of personal parenting choices?
Moms, if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. You are not being brave or adding to the conversation. We have such an opportunity to love! We are paving the way for our daughters to either encourage other mothers or to judge them mercilessly. Little mean girls grow up to be big mean girls.
Be a role model, not a mean girl.
(PS: my acne finally went away when I turned thirty. So there really is hope for us all.)
Love this! I will never understand how some people justify their awefulness towards others while hiding behind their computers. There have been plenty of people I’ve disagreed with online, but never have I thought that tearing them down over their appearance or difference in opinion over things that really don’t matter in the long run would be a good idea.
I absolutely love this. After becoming a first time Mom, I joined an on-line support group for Moms, old and new. I thought this would have been a great way to connect with Moms to share experiences, ask for advice and receive support. Soon after joining, I quickly learned the reality of this so called “support group”…it was awful. I could not believe the unmerciful, relentless bullying these women would project to others, to complete internet strangers who were fellow mothers in need of help and support. I soon realized that I would never have the nerve to post anything because of fear of being bullied for asking a legitimate question. Needless to say, I didn’t stick around long, I couldn’t take it anymore, I deleted the app off my iPhone. Recently, I stumbled across a closed Facebook support group for Moms. It is night and day compared to the previous support group I joined.