An Anthem for the Hard Child

My sweet boy turned three on October 24th, the day after my 30th birthday. He is what some people would call my spirited child. When I was pregnant with him I had to have weekly three-hour IV infusions because I had hyperemesis gravidarum. I was always weak and lethargic. He was my absolute hardest pregnancy.

He was due on my birthday and I remember being so bummed that I wasn’t showing any signs of going into labor. Surprisingly, around midnight the contractions hit! He just wanted his own special day, and to this day, he is my assertive child. He knows what he wants and goes for it, sometimes without fully thinking things through. He’s the first of my five children to have a broken bone, and he’s hurt himself plenty of times falling. But there are also things he does that are very different; for example, he never talked — he just mumbled.

I know without a doubt that every child is different, and I am not saying something is automatically wrong if your child doesn’t talk. I just had a gut feeling that something was off. He was two and still couldn’t say anything at all, and would get extremely frustrated. I voiced my concerns to his doctor and he was eventually diagnosed with sensory processing disorder. Over the past eight months he has started talking more and more, and is able to say sentences. But he is my sensory seeker, so he is constantly seeking things to mess with and stuff to do. He is always on the go. His occupational therapist is ordering a compression vest and weighted blanket for him. We are hoping that will help some.

He also loves pushing heavy things around or carrying a backpack that he fills with toys. One thing I am extremely thankful for is people in our corner. It truly does take a village and I am so thankful for the ones we have. TEIS has helped so much. I had a lady named Kelly come out once a week to help Liam work on things. She would always ask how I was doing too and it made such a difference. I could voice my emotions, my concerns, and my frustrations. She would listen and offer support, advice, and most of all encouragement. She would always write out a weekly plan for us to work on at home. I looked forward to these visits and seeing these weekly plans. She helped not only Liam, but me as well in ways I can never truly repay her for. She gave me confidence in handling Liam’s outbursts.

Sadly, Liam aged out this week, so we said goodbye to her this past Tuesday. He still goes to Jone’s Therapy every week for OT. And Hart, his therapist is another blessing in our lives. I have watched Liam grow so much with her. She is so genuine and she always listens to my concerns. Liam always has a blast with the activities they do together and constantly asks when he’s going back to see her.  

I say all this to encourage you to find your village and to hold tightly onto the people in your corner.

People very close to me have said that it’s our fault and that he needs better discipline when he throws a fit, or won’t sit still. I am afraid that this is what society has done. It’s easy to point fingers at the parents and chastise them. But some kids are just wired differently! Yes, he is my hardest child, but I love him just the same. I am tired of blaming myself and wondering what I am doing wrong. There is nothing wrong with my parenting and there’s nothing wrong with my son.

So this is my anthem for my son:
You don’t need to be punished; you are not acting out.
You don’t need to be compared to so and so; you are your own person.
You don’t need to be fixed; you are not broken.
You do need love, patience, breaks, positive affirmations, encouragement, understanding, and comforting arms. You do need someone to believe in you. You do need support and someone spurring you on. I am in your corner and I am for you! I am so sorry for the times I got so frustrated, not realizing you were trying your best. I am so sorry for not understanding sooner. But I understand now and I will be here every day. I am your advocate, your mother, and your cheerleader.

Together we can do this.