Should I test my child over some sniffles or send them to school? Should I start homeschooling my kids in favor of health or continue sending them in favor of education and my own sanity? Should I take that vacation we have planned or cancel yet another family getaway? Should I speak up more or keep my mouth shut? Should we return to church or continue sleeping in? Should I host that party everyone has been looking forward to or cancel it? Should I let my kids have those playdates or keep them home where they’re not sharing germs? Should I let my child attend a birthday party or not even tell them about it? Should I stay abreast of the news and Facebook Covid pages or ignore them all? Should I prepare for the apocalypse or have faith everything will turn out okay?
I know I’m not alone in these constant mental battles.
Never have I felt so insecure in my daily decisions. As parents, we already question pretty much everything we do and how it will affect our kids, but 2020 and 2021 have brought on a whole new level of “Am I making the right choice?” Some parents stand firm in their beliefs, no matter what side they’re on, and feel confident in their judgment calls. But I believe most of us fall somewhere in the middle; we can see both sides of the coin and agree with certain views in both directions. We all still lean heavily on one side, but there’s always that little voice in our brain questioning each little decision we make. And I think what makes it so hard is it’s not the devil vs angel on our shoulders, rather it is two angels on our shoulders, while we try to decide which angel is better.
Regarding all those questions I started off with, either choice can be viewed as the right choice. It’s maddening and has turned the anxiety switch on within me, that I so gratefully never dealt with before. There are weeks when I feel like myself and send my kids off with confidence and I go about my day crossing things off my list. And there are weeks when all I can do is manically move around while accomplishing nothing because I know if I stop and breathe, I will break.
Whatever side you’re on and no matter the level of aggression you feel towards the other side, we all feel like we are making the right choice, the best choice, and maybe tomorrow’s choice will conflict with today’s choice. It is an ever-changing world we live in, and we are ALL trying to make the best decisions for our families. We are ALL struggling with the loss of normalcy. We are ALL impatient to have that normalcy come back into our lives. We are ALL ready for a normal school year and a normal work year and a normal vacation days year and a normal year.