What a terrifying privilege to raise kids today. Bombarded on every side by screens and distractions and headlines just begging for everyone’s attention, it’s no wonder our kids have big feelings but are lacking the ability to handle them! Thankfully, building up the social and emotional health of our children is not as complicated as we may think.
Here are just a few simple ways that I, as a mom and educator, have seen growth in children of all ages:
1. Play Board Games
At a table. With multiple family members or friends. Follow the rules. And let them lose sometimes. Toddlers or teenagers. Let. Them. Lose. And then whether they melt in a puddle of disappointment or flaunt their victory in your face, reassure them that you still love them. Practice describing emotions and remind them that they are gonna be okay, win or lose. Then do it again!
2. Follow Directions
Grab a child, grab a task, and give them directions. Bake cupcakes or do yoga or build a Lego set. Give them directions and see if they can follow them step by step. There’s something about the linear process of accomplishing a task that regulates little (and big) brains. Be supportive, but don’t do it for them. Just give them a direction and expect them to complete it.
3. Take Risks
Let them do age-appropriate scary things. (First teach them the difference between scary and stupid.) Then let ’em at it. Yes, we all agree that the world is a terrifying place, but we’re actually ramping up our kids’ anxiety by insisting that everything is a threat! Take a deep breath, mama, and back up. They need to take risks to know what they are capable of.
4. Let Them Be Responsible
Did you know that your kids go to school every day and teachers let them be independent? It’s amazing. They pick it right up. They crave it, actually! Sometimes they succeed, sometimes they fail, but the confidence and pride that comes from being responsible for oneself is the most beautiful thing to witness in a child. Please don’t neglect this part of growing a human! Even if it starts with letting them pick out their own outfit, give them responsibilities, then give them room to surprise you!
5. Look In Their Eyes
Put your phone down. Look them in the eyes. Smile. Pay attention. Say their name. Ask good questions. Or just listen to their stories. Let them know that you see them and you hear them and you are there. Do this daily and do this often. They need to see your face. And then…
6. Look Away
Then sometimes, look them in the eyes and tell them that you are not available. That your attention is needed elsewhere and they need to be independent for some time. Assure them that you love them, but you cannot listen to their story right then. And they cannot talk over your phone call. And they may not interrupt _____. Say it with me: Boundaries are okay! When you are available, go back to #5. Repeat as necessary.
7. Eat Dinner Together
Do you know why they say this is one of the key factors in raising mentally and socially healthy young people? Because they learn to have conversations. They learn to put their phones down and see people. They learn to talk. They practice listening. They ask questions and engage in the back and forth of real conversations. They also learn that they are not the only person in the world, and that different ideas, opinions, or experiences are happening all the time! What a gift we can give our children each day.
8. Read
Number one guarantor of social/emotional/academic success: Reading with your children. When in doubt, read. Read all the things. All the books. Picture books, chapter books, fiction books, fact books, all the books. Sit together and read.
9. Meander
Our culture is in rush, rush, rush mode. We hurry from school to sports to social activities. We swipe through videos and apps at dizzying speeds, and we wonder why kids are anxious and desperate for attention? Stop it! Quit rushing. Reintroduce your kids (and yourself) to the tech-free Sunday drive or the meandering walk through the neighborhood. Let them wander. Take the long way. Roll the window down. Smell the roses. Look at the sky. Slow down and let everyone’s nervous systems rest a bit. BONUS points if you meander outside. The benefits of sunlight, fresh air, and being in nature are well-documented. Do it!
10. Relax
There are a lot of enemies out there vying for our kids’ social and emotional attention. We can never defeat them all! But we can take some deep breaths and relax our frantic need to fix everything all the time all at once for all of our kids. Slowly, steadily, selflessly realize that you can take small steps to build social and emotional health in your child. Start young, allow grace, and persevere. It’s so worth it to see your child thriving and loving who you have helped them become!
