How many times have we heard that quote?
If you are like me, your Facebook/Twitter/IG accounts are full of blog posts and sayings about not comparing yourself or your children to others you see on the internet.
But what about comparing our own children? How are you supposed to turn a blind eye to that? In my case, I have an opportunity to watch two little ones who are the same age (twins) grow up together. And I can’t help but to compare them. They are reaching some milestones together but others at different times. The one who was a little more social is becoming shier, and the one who was more shy is turning into a social butterfly. It is amazing to watch these two little ones grow, not only at the same time, but in the same environment.
Comparisons start out innocently: she sleeps better than her brother does, and he eats more than she does. My daughter, a complete Daddy’s girl, was the first to talk. And of course her first word was “Daddy.” She is the less adventurous of the the two and loves to read books and color. My son, a complete Mama’s boy, was the first to crawl. He is FEARLESS. His speeds are 0 and 100 MPH, with nothing in between. But they both started walking on the same day — Christmas Day 2013. And I’m pretty sure they did that on purpose; it seemed like he was just waiting for her to catch up.
And if you have twins, you know that people will make lots of comments (and if you don’t have twins, you might want to check out this post I did earlier this year). Twins are especially compared in public, from their looks and physical attributes to their behavior. And this is the time I need to really focus on limiting my comparisons as the two of them get older. I don’t want either of them to think he or she is not as good as the other twin just because the other one is doing something first (or a little better).
Now, I’m not saying comparison is always a bad thing. It can help you identify if there are development issues, for example. But it is so important to foster that sense of individuality, especially in twins. And I will not allow any comparison to rob me of the joy that is my children.
Do you compare your children, whether they are twins or not? Share with us in the comments!
I think it is very frustrating when people who don’t know my twins at all will say things like, “oh she must be the _______ (wild, shy, humorous, good, sweet, talkative, etc) one.” Based on a ten second encounter in line at the grocery store. You don’t know my kids! Even if one does have different attributes, I hate labeling them like that, especially if you don’t know them. And like you said, it changes!!! Anyway, I try hard not to label my kids with character traits. Also like you said, it’s impossible not to identify which one sleeps better, is more picky about eating, etc. But I try to keep everything positive.
Thanks for the article!