I’ve been a mother for just over four months, as in when this blog posts, I’ll have been a mother for only 135 days! So if you’re a mom and are reading this, chances are, you’ve been at this motherhood thing longer than I! While I don’t have years of experience or expertise in the mothering realm, I have just undergone one of the most wonderful things we women can—childbirth! But with the miracle of one’s first child, comes the sometimes difficult transitional period from having no children to becoming a mom.
We all acknowledge that having a child is a ‘life-changing’ event, but do we actually realize the reality of these words? As miraculous and wonderful as childbirth is, it is, in fact, an act that is going to alter life as we know it. Everyone approaches and handles change differently, but I believe there are a few core ideas that can help all new moms, or moms-to-be, through the very first stage of motherhood, post pregnancy.
1.) Expect Change. A rather basic suggestion, you might think! And it is, but it can also be one of the greatest things we can do for ourselves as expecting mothers. Many of us spend our entire first pregnancy reading “What to Expect When Expecting,” or something similar, which details nearly every aspect of pregnancy, down to hiccups in the womb, but when it comes to the first several months of motherhood, we’re left to ourselves to figure it out! (I’m not talking about the aspects of motherhood related to your baby; I’m speaking of the aspects of motherhood that pertain to us moms!) Fortunately, motherhood does bring with it some natural instincts to aid us in this process, but one of the best things we can do to prepare ourselves is to be realistic and expect definitive change.
2.) Give Yourself Time. The role of motherhood is one of the most important roles a human can play. And just like any job, or new role, motherhood has a learning curve. (I’m sure most moms would say that they’re always learning more about what it means to be a mom throughout the various stages of their children’s development.) When we begin a new job or task, we generally don’t expect to master it on the
first day, but rather we know that it will take a bit of time, a transitional period if you will, to get our bearings in order to do the job and do it well. To assume that you will enter motherhood and know all that there is to know, or more importantly, feel comfortable and completely fluid with the new demands of mothering, and all that it entails, is an unrealistic expectation and one that could potentially lead to feelings of frustration or defeat when certain challenges arise. Allow yourself the opportunity to first ‘feel out’ motherhood before placing expectations on yourself and know that more than likely it will take some adjusting to get used to!
3.) Don’t Compare Yourself to Other Moms. A quote I’ve seen a lot of lately reads, “Comparison is the thief of joy,” and this couldn’t be more true, especially when it comes to mothering and motherhood. While adjusting to the initial stages of motherhood, I remember thinking, “How does so-in-so do it all”? As a new mother myself, I had a new-found respect for moms in general, so when seeing a Supermom doing her thing, I found myself thinking, “You mean she home schools, has multiple children, makes dinner every night, scrapbooks, takes the kids to multiple sporting events each week, appears to have a social life, works out, always looks amazing, speaks of books she’s recently read, takes the kids on outings all of the time, cleans her own house and works in the yard, etc., etc., etc. You get the idea, and you know the type! These amazing moms do exist, and that’s wonderful! (It gives me hope for my own future as a mom!) But it took me a while to realize something so basic—these mothers had adjusted, they’d passed through the initial period of transition and had found their footing in their role as a mother. What other women are doing with their children has absolutely nothing to do with what you are doing with yours. Don’t compare, it never takes us down paths we’re meant to travel!
4.) Ask for Help. There may be times you need it. Let’s face it, when a baby comes, priorities shift, and that which used to be a simple task can quickly turn into one that takes ages to even get to. Your hands are full, literally, and multi-tasking isn’t as easy as it once was. In addition, pregnancy brings with it lots of hormonal activity, as you well know. It’s not as if the day you have your baby, all hormone levels drop back to their original state, leaving you feeling like your old self! No, you can still experience the rollercoaster effect after your guy or gal has arrived. This, combined with a life-changing event, potential sleep deprivation and a loss of personal schedule can produce some stress. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, and certainly don’t be ashamed if you feel like you need help! It’s all new, and change can be difficult at times!
5.) Enjoy this Time. While the initial transition into motherhood has the potential to bring with it new challenges and frustrations, it will also bring with it a million memorable moments. From your baby’s first cry during delivery; to his or her first smile, giggle and coo; to the middle-of-the-night sweet snuggles and numerous other amazing moments, you get to experience a love like you’ve never known. This love will carry you through the trying times and will fuel you with the energy to keep going when totally exhausted! And while I’ve only been at it for a few short months, even I know that they don’t stay little long. So in both the peaceful moments and the overwhelming times, be sure to slow down long enough to savor the sweetness of this season with your newest family addition. For whether it’s good or bad, this too shall pass. Take hold of it and enjoy it while you can.
