Growing up, I had more guy friends than girl friends. Throughout the years, I had some close female friends but those relationships would wax and wane as our interests would change, boy drama, or just immature girl drama. I didn’t mind the lack of females in my life; guys were low maintenance, fun, and would cut up with you without any hard feelings.
My oldest was born nine years ago. I was the first to have a baby in my friend group so it felt pretty isolating. It was exciting, don’t get me wrong, but the only person I could ask all the questions to was Google. I didn’t have that friend who could give me her top baby items to buy, to ask if this or that was normal, or even to ask what the heck child birth was like (not to mention postpartum, yikes). I was finally in the time of my life where I valued female friendships. I wanted friends who could sit with me covered in spit up, drinking our fourth coffee of the day while we watched our kids simultaneously through tantrum after tantrum. I didn’t want to feel alone with a baby.
Over the last nine years, I have had the most incredible women who have offered me their friendship and I will be forever grateful for those seasons of friendship. But. Good things come to those who wait, right?
Well, let me tell you about these women:
The Friend Who Lives Far Away
This is the friend who will wear a matching “Drinks Well with Others” tank with you and who is one phone call away from a full-on vent session. This friend will drive her entire family to your house to watch your kids while you get a vacation with your husband. This friend has the same crude humor as you and you send each other NSFW type of fun surprises. She treats your kids like her own and has movie night to watch Zombies (Disney) with your kids and now you get stuck listening to the Zombies, Zombies 2, and Zombies 3 soundtracks on repeat. The gift that keeps on giving. She may be far away, but she and her family go out their way to keep in touch.
The Friend Who Lives Down The Street
This is the friend who volunteers to make the homemade playdough your kid’s kindergarten teacher has requested. She is also the friend that if she doesn’t have the taco seasoning packet you need for dinner, she offers to “throw together” a homemade seasoning packet for you. She’s the friend that has her life together but tries to convince you she doesn’t. She’s also the friend who will ask how a certain school assignment is going, but you have no idea what she’s talking about so you are grateful she has her life together as you panic and still manage to get the assignment done in time, albeit a little less perfectly than her kid’s. You also crash her family dinners because, again, she has her life together and you most certainly do not.
The Friend Who Forgot About My Kid’s Birthday Party
This title sounds dramatic, but the day she showed up to my kid’s birthday party an hour+ late frazzled and embarrassed is when our friendship began. And, I’ve never let her forget about that birthday party. She is the person that has her life together just a little bit more than you so you can text her at 7am asking what the theme is for that spirit day is or what the spelling words are on the test today. She is the one who shows up to your new house the day you moved in to help you put furniture together. She is the one that you don’t have to censor all your cuss words in the text message because she fires them right back at ya.
The Put-Together Friend
This girl always looks great. Always put together, red lipstick and all. Her hair is perfect. She is so nice and can hold a conversation with anyone at any time. You start to doubt if you should be friends with her, but then one game of Cards Against Humanity and you realize she’s just like you. But, she just looks nicer. And actually is nicer than you.
The College Roomie Friend
This friend. Shew. This friend didn’t make it to the date party with you years ago because you started having fun too early. She is the one who has seen you every day, at all hours of the day, in all sorts of moods and is still your friend. It helps that you have your life together just a little bit more than her. She has been by your side through your wedding and having babies. You were by her side for the same milestones. She’s the friend you can talk about anything with and there’s no judgement, just understanding. You don’t talk about each other behind your backs because you can dish it out straight to each other’s faces.
The Friend Who Has Wild Real-Life Stories
This friend is the one you don’t get to see on a regular basis due to schedules and just lack of time. But, when you do get together you have the best time. The best part about this friend is she is the one who texts you at 11:58pm with, “Wanna hear something crazy?” and even though you are two blinks away from deep sleep, you sit straight up and text back as quickly as you can, “HERE FOR IT.” The stories are unpredictable, like the neighborhood snatcher that is in love with her or the inmate from the county jail trying to video chat with her. You’ve also game planned what you will do if she does go missing because you never know with her. It’s unpredictable and wild.
It took nine years since delivering my first baby to finally have a true “tribe.” Those early years are often lonely and isolating, but if I had the choice again, I’d be lonely and isolated if I knew these women were waiting for me. I don’t know what the future holds for our friendships, but I am soaking up this time with these women. These women are truly the best friends a mid-30something woman with three kids who signs her kids up for way too many things and then decides to go back to graduate school on a whim could have.