When I was a little girl, I remember my mom telling me, “You can do hard things.” I carried that with me through adolescence and adulthood as I learned to be resilient and persevere through life’s difficulties. The words seem simple, but they carried a lot of weight. Every time I complained something was too hard, my mom would say, “You can do hard things” and then she would make me do it. Most of the time, this was in reference to schoolwork. I was not and still am not academically gifted. School didn’t come easy for me. I was intimidated by math and my struggle with mathematical concepts was magnified in my later years of high school. Nevertheless, I persisted — this time, it was my teachers who showed me the power of grit.
Speaking of teachers, that is how I fell in love with the concept of grit.
During my time in college, I found a love for teaching and learning. I enjoy learning about how children learn and grow, and what shapes their future long-term success. Because teachers read a lot of books about success, I came across Angela Duckworth’s book Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance. In her book, Duckworth describes how to give your kids the gift of grit. This chapter interested me the most because I want my daughter to have grit and I want my students to have grit. How can I get them there? There are many possible answers (you’ll have to read her book — it’s fantastic), but here are my big takeaways:
Be both demanding and supportive.
It’s okay to be demanding if you demand the right things. Don’t demand perfection; instead, demand perseverance, working hard, kindness, and a solid work ethic. Don’t be afraid to set the bar high. Your kids will rise to the occasion. And then, they might fail. Support them by showing them failure isn’t permanent. Be there to support them when they fail. Love them and tell them it’s okay. Watch your child’s interests and passions and support what they love. Did you know that the very best teachers are both demanding and supportive? The best teachers in the world have high and rigorous expectations. They are also supportive, loving, and encouraging.
Teach resilience.
In Duckworth’s book, she mentions how people think of grit as, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” and “Grit is forged in the crucible of adversity.” However, research shows this: It’s not the suffering itself, but rather “Finding a way out of the suffering is what does the strengthening.” Show your kids how to find their way out. In other words, let your kids experience a setback, and then allow them to come out of it and experience a victory. It’s a good feeling and it teaches them resilience and perseverance.
Model positivity and a growth mindset.
A growth mindset is the mindset that growing never stops. Anyone can learn with effort. Natural talent is good, but effort is far more valuable and that’s where we truly grow. Show your child that with positivity and effort, anything is possible.
I had parents that were both demanding and supportive. My dad was usually more positive and nurturing. My mom was more demanding and showed me resilience. And then at times, they flip-flopped and it was my dad demanding my attention and my mom supporting me in my failure. My sister and I have them both to thank for our degrees, passion, and perseverance.
