The Connection {Birth Stories Series}

Lots of moms think about it…but it’s such a taboo topic.

What if I don’t “feel it” like I should?

What if I don’t make “the connection”?

What if this alien, the one who has made you sick and exhausted and has literally tried to kick it’s way out for the last 9 months, remains just that…an alien…forever??

That intense, emotional – and yes, full-of-expectations – minute where you meet your sweet baby for the first time.

If you’ve had one (or more!), you probably know what I’m talking about.  If you’re pregnant…or dreaming…you might have some of the same fears.

I did.

To give you a little background, my husband and I were part of a fun “club.”  We were the crazy ones…the ones who drove our families and friends nuts (and even ourselves just a teeny tiny bit)…the ones who didn’t find out the sex of either of our children until they each made their own (fairly low-maintenance, I am thrilled to admit) entrance into the real world.  Oh and by the way, we did this voluntarily.

We didn’t know ANYTHING about this baby – other than when “it” should be arriving, the fact that “it” usually had a heart rate in the mid 150s, and that “it” was measuring a few days ahead.  We didn’t know what color (or if any!) hair, we’d never seen this sweet child smile; heck, we didn’t really even narrow down our list of potential names until my epidural had long-since been administered.

(Well, that’s a lie. In my own head, I’d decided on a “blue name” months ago!! And a “pink name” just in case…but don’t tell!!)

Sidenote —  in my husband’s family everybody has two boys. It’s just a fact.  He is one of two boys, so is his dad, and his dad, and pretty much like that on up the line.  So, it had basically been pre-ordained.  — Ok, sidenote over.

During my daydreams, I’d think about this baby boy (no gut feeling on this one, I just started believing what everyone was telling me)…what he’d look like, what his little voice would sound like, and I almost just went ahead and started a Pinterest board for the baseball team snacks I knew I’d be preparing.  And while I loved my baby before I knew who “it” was, what would it really be like?

As my due date drew nearer, I was less concerned about the actual delivery part, and more apprehensive about that minute that they were going to put him on my chest and I was supposed to fall madly and deeply in love with this creature I’d just laid eyes on for the very first time in my entire life.  Was it really going to happen immediately?  Was I weird or bad if it didn’t?  How much could I honestly process all at once?

And ladies (guys?), here’s the best part about life.  It’s different for all of us.  WE are all different.  Just like my baby (not surprisingly, a BOY!!!) was born with a full head of dark hair – and one mom down the hall had a cue-ball-bald baby, and another had a blondie – my feelings at that minute were totally different than yours.  And yours.  And yes, yours too!

There might not have been fireworks, I didn’t hear a swell of instrumental music.  The world kind of went silent, and just like the Grinch, my heart grew three sizes that day.  I loved him right away, but we had only just met.  I didn’t know which one of his cries meant he was hungry.  That part took time.

But know this – that connection? The one “they” talk about?  It’s there.  You might feel it right away, or you might not…but you will.  And you’ll never be the same.