Help. SOS. Wave the white flag. Surrender.
These are the words of a frustrated mother each night as she prepares for her children’s bedtime routine. That frustrated mother is me. There’s also a frustrated father to account for. We currently blame the toddler. It has to be the toddler. Ever since he left his crib, he’s been wreaking havoc on bedtime. Or is it the six-year-old? He’s so needy. His love language is physical touch and bedtime is his peak time for seeking that. Or it’s probably bath time. They hate bath time. Bath time amps them up. Maybe we are putting them to bed too early? Or too late? Is it too hot upstairs? Or too cold? Blackout shades? Music? Nightlights? Are they hungry? Dehydrated?
Let me set the scene for you.
On a good night, when we don’t have evening activities away from home, we start the bedtime process for both boys at around 7pm. This may seem early, but my family starts our day very early in the morning with a 6am departure time for my husband, a 6:30am bus pick up for the 1st grader, a 7am early block class for the high school junior, and then a 7:15ish leave time for the toddler and me. So, by 7pm, the littles are winding down and we start the bath, pajama, book time in hopes to settle everyone down for a 7:30-7:45pm bedtime. (Side note: The high schooler’s evening is just beginning, but that’s another topic for another day).
7-7:15pm: Bath/brushing teeth/pajamas
The wailing and gnashing of teeth begins at this time. Bath time is not a preferred activity, so we usually only bathe them every other night in order to not ruin every single night. For whatever reason, 3/3 of my kids hated water in their face from a very early age (I would play in the tub for HOURS when I was little, so I’m blaming my husband for this anomaly). We drag the (usually crying) children out of the tub, force them to brush their teeth while threatening to take away candy forever if they don’t, and then try to wrangle their still damp bodies into tight pajamas. This activity is much like pulling up a wet swimsuit after using the bathroom at the pool which is always a great time.
7:20pm: Begin books/snuggle time
WWE is now taking place. The boys are wrestling, jumping on the bed, dancing around the room, playing dress up with random things on the floor, etc. When we start reading books that interest the 1st grader, the toddler is talking the whole time and wanting to “touch” (rip) the book. When we read more toddler focused books, the 1st grader is giggling at things that aren’t funny simply to get the toddler laughing. Then, somebody touches somebody, and just like that, WWE begins again at a moment’s notice.
7:35-7:45pm: Lights out/snuggle in mom and dad’s bed
When we turn the lights out, apparently that is code for ‘do everything possible to not fall asleep.’ The wiggling turns to convulsing, the giggling intensifies, the thirst and hunger level is at an all-time high, the monsters are surely under the bed now, the need for that certain stuffed animal is a level ten, and our patience level is teetering between a 1 and a 0. This continues until either my husband drags one kid off to his room crying or I just eventually yell out that bedtime has gotten out of control and then I roll over and proceed to evaluate all of my life choices for the next hour while feeling like a terrible mom because I failed at bedtime again.
I feel like we’ve tried everything we know to try.
We’ve tried separating them at bedtime, letting them sleep together at bedtime, letting them cry it out, lying with them until they fall asleep, one parent lays with one kid until THE END OF TIME, etc. I’ll admit that some weeks, we are ready to go to bed at 8pm with them and we end up falling asleep next to them or sometimes even before they do. On other weeks, we have work that we need to do after bedtime (or sometimes I’d just like to take an uninterrupted shower TBH) and we find ourselves incredibly frustrated that our children won’t just go to bed in their own bed when I put them to bed. Is this a thing? Do kids do that?
The first two children were actually pretty good sleepers which is why our only conclusion is that it’s THE TODDLERS FAULT. We truly don’t think he requires as much sleep as most. Then, we mix him with the 1st grader, and it just takes it to a whole new level. It’s like they feed off of each other and know the end goal is to make us so exhausted by the end of bedtime that we just fall asleep right there with them. They win. Every night.
What are we doing wrong? What are your bedtime routine suggestions? Is it like this everywhere or just in our house? Is it us? Or is it really THE TODDLER?
