Recently I read a really inspirational post about teaching our kids to have grit, to pick themselves up when they fall and keep pressing in to achieve something difficult. “Start them young,” the author said, because our kids will certainly face these challenges, and as parents, it’s our job to set them up for success. So true, right??
You’ve probably heard or read a bunch of stories like that: talking about safety, responsibility, consent and bodily autonomy, confidence, kindness, combating racism/sexism/xenophobia/bigotry in all its forms, sports, music, body positivity, nutrition, etc., etc., etc. You have to start them young learning these things or eventually it will be too late and your child will probably become a sociopath, or at best a big ol’ jerk.
I’ve been raising babies for more than 11 years now, and I’ve been leading students even longer than that as a youth pastor with my husband, and throughout those years I have said this to myself more times than I can count. I’ll read an article or hear someone’s struggles or walk through a difficult time with someone and make a mental note to “start them young” when it comes to teaching and preparing my kids for life’s challenges.
If you saw my mental list of all the things I’m going to teach my kids, you would certainly agree that I am the best mom to ever live, and my children are most definitely perfect.
The problem is, well, I have a tendency to lose that mental list. (Yes, I have tried writing it down. I lose those lists too.) And now that my kids are 11, nine, seven, and three, some things are a little late for “starting them young.” Now we’re just starting them and hoping it sticks. Sure, we’ll have plenty of opportunities for some things, but for others, we are just crossing bridges as we get there, and sometimes it feels like one really long chasm with a bunch of bridges lined up in a row.
When we approach these developmental bridges I forgot were coming (or thought I had more time until we got there), my anxiety tells me that I have failed my kids, and I should probably just run away and join the circus, but I’ll probably fail them too. Maybe you’re hearing that lie in your own heart. The truth is, friend, you don’t have to be a perfect mama to be perfect for your kids. You just have to keep showing up. Keep crossing those bridges. Start them young on all the stuff you know and remember to start. Along the way, you will learn new information, have new experiences, be reminded of something you probably knew a while ago but years of sleeplessness and mind-numbing toddler questions made you forget. Don’t be crippled by the weight of it all, and don’t be too proud to admit you need to change course. Lead your children in what you know, and walk with them through what you don’t. Don’t be afraid, mama.
