Every year when January rolls around, I feel a sense of impending doom (with a side of preemptive guilt). I know that when the calendar hits 1/1, I’m going to make a list of New Year’s Resolutions that I’ll never be able to keep. I insist on keeping this tradition going despite my epic failure of a track record. Why do I torture myself like this?
I have seen a record number of people this year giving up New Year’s Resolutions.
They recognize that it’s a tired, broken system, and they’ve decided to take themselves out of the game. I applaud their effort to feel content with the way things currently are, but I can’t fully subscribe to that attitude either. Part of me feels like I would be settling if I didn’t take a hard look at the past year of my life and try to make a good faith effort to change the things that aren’t working.
Last January, I read the book Atomic Habits by James Clear. Well, let’s be honest: I read the first part of the book before it sat permanently on my shelf, unfinished. (Maybe I’ll make a resolution to finish the book this year.) However, what I did glean from the early chapters of the book really changed my perspective on the process of making resolutions and forming new habits.
In the past, I’ve always struggled with biting off a bit more than I could chew. I would insist on making an abrupt 180 in a major aspect of my life, and then I would inevitably feel disappointed when I was unable to follow through:
- I’ve been on complete carb overload throughout the holiday season…maybe I’ll start a Whole30 lifestyle in January!
- I have no regular exercise routine at all…maybe I’ll start exercising for 60 minutes every day using the Insanity workout videos!
- I’d really like to spend more time writing and possibly publish a book one day…maybe I’ll do the write-a-novel-in-one-month challenge!
- I could really use some better organizational habits around the house…maybe I’ll spend $571 at the Container store and clean out all of my closets and cabinets this week!
Not only would I attempt to make overwhelming changes like these, but I would often attempt to begin multiple resolutions at the same time. I might succeed for a week or two, but ultimately I would end up feeling exhausted and defeated.
James Clear really advocates for making small changes that build up over time. In order for that mindset to work, I have to be focused on the long game, not the short-term results. In his book, Clear gives the example of an airplane flying across the country. If the plane shifts course by just three degrees, it won’t be a very noticeable difference to the passengers onboard at first. However, after completing an hours-long trip across the country, the plane will land in a completely different destination in the end. Really subtle, small changes can lead to big results over time if you show a little patience.
- That means if I make small, healthy changes to my diet, I may not lose 10 pounds in two weeks, but I might lose 10 pounds in two or three months.
- If I complete a 10-minute workout video each day, I can start building better exercise habits and gradually increase my strength and stamina over time.
- If I write for ten minutes before going to bed each night, I may not end the year with an entire novel, but I would be closer to my goal than I am now.
- If I slow down and focus on cleaning/organizing one room or closet each month, I may have a more streamlined space six months or a year from now.
This principle applies to harder, less tangible life changes as well.
One of my most toxic traits is ignoring my own feelings to preserve someone else’s. I hate confrontation, and I tend to overthink and over-apologize ad nauseam. Any complete 180 changes I have tried to make in this arena of my life have backfired. So I’ve been taking Clear’s advice, using baby steps to address this problem. I have been forcing myself to have more honest conversations with people about the way that I feel or the things that I need from them. I’m not expecting perfection from myself, but I am working on making progress. For every three or four times someone says or does something that makes me feel uncomfortable, I’m probably addressing it one of those times. But I’m trying not to beat myself up over the situations that I let slip by. I can look back and see how far I’ve come from where I started (addressing zero conflicts), and I’m feeling encouraged by the trajectory my life is taking in this area.
